Drunk guy: Hey.
Passerby: Hey, how’s it going?
Drunk guy: You know when you meet that hot, cool girl and then you get drunk and turn into an asshole and she ditches you? Well, that’s where I am right now.
Passerby: Okay, well, good luck.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: some random chic
Shabby guy to friend: … So now I have to go appease all of these pregnant people…
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Kirsten
Chick: Okay, so here’s the story — I don’t know what to do about my crackhead boyfriend. He’s, like, seriously on crack…
Friend: I really think you’re over-thinking everything…
Green line bus, University of Connecticut
Storrs, Connecticut
20-something guy: I am not looking forward to this party we’re hosting. It?s going to be a bunch of underage frat boys, an orthodox Jew, and some crazy chick I used to fuck.
Ames, Iowa
Enthusiastic teen girl: My 10-year-old brother wears lip gloss!
Irritated mother: Don’t tell people that!
Line for American Idol auditions
Dallas, Texas
Old woman: That’s the problem with men — they treat kids like little adults instead of like–
Younger woman: –Kids?
Old woman: No. Like terrorists.
Washington, DC
Native American woman to lady dressed as Indian: I find your costume very offensive.
Lady dressed as Indian: No… But I’m part of the Village People [points to girls dressed as cop and construction worker].
Native American woman, after long pause: Oh, well, that’s okay, then.
Calgary Stampede
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Nerd: Someone has the same couch from IKEA as I do… And they have abandoned it in the street!
Amsterdam
Netherlands
Girl on phone with boyfriend: I’m in such a bad mood, I don’t even know! When I get home, you better not have a smile on your face or I will slap yo’ ass. Misery loves company up in here, bitch!
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: C. Barreto
Angry white boy, motioning at plants: I just wanna pull all o’ the fuckin’ flowers outta the fuckin’ pots!
8th and Walnut Street
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: passing by in a car
