Chubby guy on cell: You know it’s bad when Bon Jovi shows up.

Westminster, Maryland

Overheard by: JoviFan4Life

Flamboyant art boy: So all that anal sex meant nothing to you?!

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: voltaire

Loud lady to friend: So, have you fallen down in any more parking lots this summer?

Panera Bread
White Marsh, Maryland

Overheard by: just eatin my lunch

Chick: If someone as good-looking as my brother is talking about your vagina, you’re doing something right.

Waffle House
Hagerstown, Maryland

Overheard by: Stephanie

Twenty-something dude: When I grow up, and learn how to play an instrument, I’m calling my band he-gina and she-nis.

Baltimore, Maryland

Boy to friend: I'm totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.

High School
Clarksville, Maryland

Professor: They were playing the Rocky theme song while I was trying to think great thoughts.

McDaniel College, Maryland

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

Four-year-old ballerina #1: I need to ask my mom.
Four-year-old ballerina #2: That’s good, because my house is crap.
Pre-ballerina: Well, it’s not crap — we just have a lot of crap in it.
Four-year-old ballerina #1: Can I come over to your place and play?

Dance studio

Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It’s like a little house where I’ll always be protected.

Renaissance Festival

Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey