19‐year‐old girlfriend: You’re a silly goose!
19‐year‐old boyfriend: You are too!
19‐year‐old girlfriend: That’s why we are dating!

Memphis, Tennessee

30‐something woman to 20‐something woman: I had a crush – a psychotic crush – on Viggo Mortensen, and only you would understand. I hallucinated that he read me poetry!

Norman, Oklahoma

Teenage boy #1: I just get so nervous when she touches me, man. I think I’m ready to tell her how I feel.
Teenage boy #2: No, no, no, dude! Wait till she plays with your hair. When she plays with your hair, that’s love.

Overheard by: a sure sign

Boy: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Cute, chubby girl, with suspicion: No…
Boy: Can I get your number?
Girl: No.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I’m gay.
Boy: Oh… Really?
Girl: No. Sorry. Creeper reflex.
Boy: So you wanna go out?
Girl: No.

Manhattan, New York

Hipster girl: Don’t you dare lick me!
Hipster boy: [Licks her.]Hipster girl: I love you.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Sorostitute #1: So, he tried walking me back to his frat house and he was holding my hand… I should’ve fucked him, right?
Sorostitute #2: What? You just met him! And he’s hooked up with Patricia*. I mean, hellooo — bad taste.
Sorostitute #1: I totally should have. I mean, he was holding my hand, after all.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina

Guy on crutches: I have nothing to offer a woman. It’s like, “hey! I live at the homeless shelter, wanna go on a fucking date?”

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Libby

Girl #1: You should stop meeting guys off the internet so much. They’re creepy.
Girl #2: The internet is the best place to meet people. I met a rapist at a job interview, a pimp at the airport, and a pedophile at church.

Norman, Oklahoma

Girl #1: Jeff once told me if he didn’t get laid within the first week, the relationship wasn’t going to work out.
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah, Jeff’s a great guy.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Persian guy #1: So are you going to go out with her again?
Persian guy #2: Yeah, she’s a cool girl, man. She likes techno and brands…

Los Angeles, California