New York

Just Like Newfoundland and East Berlin

Thug #1: New England is a state!
Thug #2: New England is a country!
Thug #1: Naw, it’s a state. You know — New York, New Jersey, New England!
Thug #3: You both crazy. New England is a city! It got an NFL team — the New England Patriots!
Thug #1: Naw, man, they sometimes be namin’ teams after states, like Minnesota Vikings and Seattle Seahawks…
Thug #3: Hmmm… You right. Oh! Maybe New England be both a city and a state, like New York, New York! New England, New England!
Thug #1: That gotta be it. I knows New England is a state…

Mall pizza place
Buffalo, New York

Overheard by: Snoopy

Shhh, They’re the Fuzz!

Homeless man approaching peach stand: Peaches, what’s they job? [Silence from passersby.] They job, what’s they job?
Befuddled white preppy #1: Well, I think they have potassium…
Homeless man: But what’s they job?
Befuddled white preppy #2: The color probably means they have beta carotene…
Homeless man: Peaches, what’s they job?

Farmer’s market, Union Square
New York, New York

Overheard by: I don’t know, either

I Make Most of My Profit on the Overseas Release

Drunken wedding guest to videographer going from table to table: Zach*, I want to wish you and Jenny* many years of happiness, and I hope you get as much pleasure out of fucking her as I did.
Other guests at table: Erase that! Erase that!
Videographer: Are you kidding? This is like gold!

Roslyn Jewish Center
Roslyn Heights, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Jay and Silent Bob Finally Accept It

Woman, about two men hugging: Okay, good. Now I want to see you make out. For two minutes. In slow motion.

Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York

Overheard by: conrad jones

Senility Jane Goes to College

Girl #1, studying: I don’t want to do this anymore! In five years I’m going to be dead and I won’t care.
Girl #2: You won’t be dead in five years.
Girl #1: Well, I’m going to be really old and I’m not going to care anymore.
Girl #2: You’re not going to be old and you will care.
Girl #1: Wait… What? Care about what?

SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York

Overheard by: Stephanie

So They’re Still Just Meat Puppets, Am I Right?

Sketchy guy: So, like, if you were hooking up with someone but not dating — just sex — would you tell them you had an STD?
Girl: Are you kidding me?
Sketchy guy: But, like, you’re not actually dating — just having sex.
Girl: [Shocked silence.]

Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: absolutely horrified

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spigot

Dude #1: My urine is probably clearer than the water coming out of the shower. My penis is like a Brita, right?
Dude #2: Yeah.
Dude #1: So I’m practically peeing holy water.

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Nik

And That Was Our First Physics Lab

Chick to friend: … So I stuck my fingers up her nose, and I got a free nose ring out of it!

Vassar campus
Poughkeepsie, New York

So Now I’ve Got This Sore or Whatever

Girl #1: So I was, like, in this hot tub with this guy, and we’re, like, making out or whatever.
Girl #2: Uh-huh…
Girl #1: And then I go, ‘What’s your name?’ And I think he said something, but I was like, ‘Whatever.’

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2006/12/big-honking-update.html

Overheard by: alex b.

And You Try to Remember What Went Where

Guy on phone: Yeah, I hate that. It’s like when someone tells you he has AIDS after the fact.

Columbus Circle
New York, New York

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