New York

(professor starts to write on the board. The chalk breaks. Class laughs. Professor turns around and bumps into the desk. Class laughs harder)
Professor: Shut up! Shut up and listen to me! I am teaching you things and being enthusiastic! …much as I dislike each and every one of you!
Student: Oh man, I am so writing that down.

SUNY Potsdam
New York

Overheard by: minibab

Professor: I want you to write about the first time you did something. It can be anything. The first time you rode a bike. The first time you made a baby. (awkward pause) Wait!

Syracuse University
New York

Guy to girl selling breast cancer t-shirts: I’ll do it later — the kids with cancer will still have cancer.

Overheard by: Mike

Female student #1: But, like, he’s a really good guy, and he’s going to make some girl very happy one day.
Female student #2: Right… But that girl’s just not you.
Female student #1: Exactly! But we might hang out this weekend and, like, have sex or something.
Female student #2: Nothin’ wrong with that.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

Girl: But she said you were cute.
Guy: Yeah but it’s like: puppies are cute, but you don’t fuck a puppy.

New York City
New York

Overheard by: I’m more of a cat person…

Boy, screaming into pregnant mother's belly: We're going to give you up for adoption!

Tanger Outlet
Riverhead, New York

Overheard by: bemused

Professor: So, how was survey of western music?
Girl: It was terrible: someone would always find a way to bring up gender issues. I mean, I hate to break it to you, but eighteenth century tonal music doesn’t give a shit about your vagina.

Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York

20-something guy: And then she was like, “there's a boner in my ass!” She was like a turbo-slut!

Mamaroneck, New York

Overheard by: Dianachka

Drunk girl: Hey. Hey! Everyone be quiet for a second — I want to make a toast. I just want to remind everyone why we’re here, and that’s because my brother finally shit successfully.
Drunk guy: What the fuck did she just say?

House party
Holbrook, New York

Overheard by: pc

Woman #1, washing hands: What happened to your chin?
Woman #2: Oh! Uh, Justin head-butted me.
Woman #1: He what?
Woman #2: Oh, well, not like on purpose or anything, just, like, while we were messing around, or whatever.
Woman #1: Mmmmm…
Woman #2: Yeah, I was in like a bad accident when I was a kid so my face doesn't take blunt force trauma very well since then.

Manhattan, New York