New York

Nine-year-old girl, planning game: So he’ll be the priest, and you can be the wet nurse.

Mount Vernon, New York

Short girl: So, what do you do with the pen cap condoms?
Much taller girl: Okay, you take them…and you throw them out.
Short girl: You don't like…reuse them or something?
Much taller girl, smiling: Do you reuse normal condoms?
(short girl laughs)
Much taller girl, seriously: Don't just wash those and reuse them.

Onteora HS
Boiceville, New York

Overheard by: Toasted

Girl: But Gandhi — he, like, did so much for the world. He helped humanity.
Guy: Yeah, but we still shouldn’t have to write a paragraph about him.

Flint Hall, Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: ears burning

Smart girl: Obviously ‘irregardless’ is the wrong word in the sentence.
Dumb girl: Why is that word wrong?
Smart girl: For starters, it’s not even a real word.
Dumb girl: Sure it is — I use it all the time.

Erie Community College
Orchard Park, New York

Overheard by: Smarty Pants

Emo #1, trying on black eyeshadow: Does it look alright?
Emo #2: Yeah, it looks great!
Emo #1: Should I buy it?
Emo #2: Yes! Oh my god, there's some on your face!
Emo #1: Where?
Emo #2: There, on your cheek!
(emo #1 starts wiping it off)
Emo #2: Hey, you look like an aboriginal.

Cosmetics Shop
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Somni

Six-year-old boy holding “pillow pet”, singing: It's a pillow, it's a pet, it's a pillow pet! (then, whispering to himself) This isn't as cool as I thought it would be…

White Plains, New York

Overheard by: M

Best Shakespeare professor ever: I love metaphors. Metaphors be with you!

College of St. Rose
Albany, New York

Overheard by: Erin

20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.

Canisius College
Buffalo, New York

50-something man to another: I got a bunion you could hang a hat off of.

Durand Eastman Golf Course
Rochester, New York

Guy #1: I can speak Italian.
Guy #2: How do you say “cheese” in Italian?
Guy #1: Ha! That's easy, “mozzarella”!

Italian Restaurant
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Chloe