Chick #1: I’m glad we’re not dating anymore. He was tiring. He thought he was such a Don Juan, and I would have to pretend to be charmed by what he said.
Chick #2: Like, how do you mean?
Chick #1: Well, I told him that I thought sex should be special, and he comes back with the line, ‘Every day is special with you, Olivia*.’ I wanted to laugh in his face, but instead I was like, ‘Oh, that’s so sweet!’
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: they’re smarter than I thought
Happy, 30-something Indian suit, on phone in check-out line: Yes. Yes! She will be my sugar momma and you will be my wife. (pause) My sugar momma!
Wegmans, Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Five-year-old son to father: I wonder what zebra farts smell like?
The National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Kat
Four-year-old: I wanna go in there!
Mother: The small mammal house?
Four-year-old, screaming: Small mammals!
Mother: Do you even know what small mammals are?
Four-year-old now, quiet and embarrassed: No.
The National Zoo
Washington, DC
Gay guy going up escalator to girl going down with coffee: You know you're not supposed to have drinks on the metro.
Girl with coffee: Okay, then take it for me. (he refuses, she calls up to him) Take it! Take it! I'm not supposed to have it! What will I do!?
Metro Station
Washington, DC
Mom to well-behaved 18-month-old son: You're about to be on eBay!
Washington, DC
Fat hipster girl: Do you know we didn't even get to see half the animals?
Skinny hipster guy: Dude, they don't have any sexy animals here.
Smithsonian National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Lola Carmichael
Boy Scout dad, after walking through exhibit: So was he some sort of poet?
Woman: Uh, yeah… He was kind of a big deal.
Boy Scout dad: Did he write limericks?
Allen Ginsberg Exhibit
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Afrocurl
Flighty girl: People always tell me I'm pretty. Like all the time. Even when I was little, people would say “Oh, you're so pretty!” I used to say “I know” but now I say “thank you.”
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nahtay
Female stoner: We have to go to the Natural History Museum! Wait, where are we?
Friend, after pause: The Natural History Museum.
Washington, DC
