Girl #1: … And his sack — it fucking smelled like a carnival.
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Like barnyard animals and carny folk… And kinda like hay.
Girl #2: Well, I told you not to hump someone who is from West Virginia!
M Street and Wisconsin Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: NinaBeana
Cute toddler boy in giant sombrero: I’m running amok! I’m running amok!
Georgetown Cafe
Washington, DC
Man to harried employee: I would like a latte, but please do not steam the milk any hotter than a hundred and thirty degrees…
Coffee stand, Washington National Airport
Washington, DC
Mom reading book: This says ‘odd.’ Do you know what ‘odd’ means? It means something is funny or weird. Like when you said you wanted to eat a rock — that was odd.
Red Line train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sitting behind them trying not to laugh
Annoying girl: Are you ignoring me? Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike. Mike.
Mike, apparently: God, I wish chivalry was dead.
Annoying girl: What’s chivalry?
Mike: It’s what’s keeping me from smashing your head open with my cock.
Diner
Washington, DC
Park ranger on horseback to another: We have to stay inside the perimeter or else… [thoughtful pause]… we will be outside the perimeter.
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: three amigas
College guy to group, confused by crowd at ten a.m.: I always forget there’s this whole subculture of people who get up before noon.
Connecticut Avenue and R Street
Washington, DC
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, dude, I really need to get my stuff together. I’ve already graduated college and I still live like I’m in college.
Old frat boy #2: Yeah, don’t mess around and end up like Mike* — he’s about to have a second kid. Both of them were mistakes.
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, I always make the girls I have sex with stand on their heads after. I’m so glad that urban legend is true.
Old frat boy #2: Haha, yeah, I always make the girls I hook up with do post-coital jumping jacks.
Metrobus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Tyler
Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?
Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hadn't seen it
Frat boy: Indian food can't be any good! I mean, if it was, they'd have chain restaurants!
Washington, DC
