Washington, DC

Important looking man on cell: So, apparently, Georgia is being occupied by Russia. What this means to us is… Oooh! Toothbrushes!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: ak

Fashionista student: So is he like, Christian gay from project runway?
Oblivious teacher: No, he's like Jewish gay.

American University
Washington, DC

Overheard by: I'm Jewish

Girlfriend on packed, stopped train: I'm bored. Tell me a story.
Boyfriend: I remember the first time I saw you…you were crying…sitting outside the abortion clinic. I gave you my hankie.

Yellow Train
Washington, DC

Overheard by: entertained next to them

Yuppie girl on cell: … And then he grabbed my ass right in front of her! If I was her, I would have thrown a fit… But she knows she’ll never be at my level.

Washington, DC

Girl #1: I wonder if vegans get on the metro and, like, can't sit down because the seats are leather.
Guy: No, this is pleather.
Girl #2: If it were leather it would smell like it.
Guy: No, that's only clean leather.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Vegan sitting on the Metro

Young hipster dude to older hipster dude: Man, fuck Yanni. That guy sucks. [Mocks his singing] ‘The best part of waking up…’ Wait, no, that’s Michael Bolton. Wait, no, that’s Folgers!

Blue line Metro
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Laughing at that guy

Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that's the only ass I would lick even if it wasn't clean.

Washington, DC

Nerdy philosophy professor: The word that comes to mind when I think about grading multiple-choice tests is 'bloodbath'.

Catholic University
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Ditto.

Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, ’cause I can’t stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin’ some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It’s called caffeine.

9th & M Streets
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Erika

Gay sports fan to table of gay sports fans, while watching Packers game: So, are you a packer or a packee?

Washington, DC