Washington, DC

College girl #1: I can always tell it's really cold when my face starts tightening up. And I start talking with a lisp.
College girl #2: Girl, you always talk with a lisp!

Capitol Hill
Washington, DC

Girl with blue hair, excitedly on cell: I love it when I inspire my own maternal instincts!

National Mall
Washington, DC

Five-year-old girl to little boy: What happened to our baby?
Little boy: Don't you worry about that baby, woman! I threw it in the trash!

National Zoo
Washington, DC

Middle aged woman #1: I want to see the flag exhibit.
Middle aged woman #2: Me too! I hear it's just like Space Mountain.

Smithsonian National Museum of American History
Washington, DC

Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I’m all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.

Washington, DC

Guy: Ohmigod, you don't look Jewish, I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me.
Girl: Awww, thanks!
Guy: So what are you doing for the holidays?
Girl: Christmas isn't about Jesus…

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Bernadette

Goth girl on cell: His dick is huge! I came so hard I was crying! (notices several people looking at her and laughing) Do you fucking mind? This is a private conversation!

Red Line Train
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Joe

Homeless guy to girl passing by: The economic downturn has thrown me into an existential panic! (girl looks at him quizzically) Yeah, us street folk feel that shit too.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Alessa Colaianni

Teen boy #1: Dude, you enlarged your penis with that thing?!
Teen boy #2: Yeah, like five inches.

Washington, DC

Drunk girl #1: I can’t date him — he’s a vegetarian. You can’t trust vegetarians.
Drunk girl #2: You’re just saying that ’cause that vegetarian guy you dated last semester raped you. He was also Jewish. You should hate the Jews — you’d have more company! [Drunk girl #1 leaves, upset.] I don’t know what her problem is.

Washington, DC