…And Now She's My Bank Teller!

Angry girl in bank drive-through, on phone: Hey, bitch! That girl you had me with last night? Her cunt tasted like fish!
Bank teller: (speechless)

Coralville, Iowa

Overheard by: KC

Posted on November 9, 2014
Animals, Compare and contrast, Default, Girls, Iowa, Vagina

Who Remembers Who Started It? The Important Thing Is We’re Going to Finish It

Five-year-old boy walking past deli: Awww… Why do they have to kill chickens?
Seven-year-old sister: Because the chicken is the natural enemy of man.

Maryland

Overheard by: Gary Lewis

Posted on September 23, 2014
Animals, Other sites, Philosophy, Should have used a condom

But They Hate for You to Mess with Them

Girl: Well, I mean, skunks do have nipples…

http://overheardina2.blogspot.com/2007/01/skunk-nipples.html

Posted on September 15, 2014
Animals, Chicks, Nipples, Overheard in Ann Arbor

Usually before Naming Them

Boyfriend: I can’t believe you weren’t there for me when I had to put my dog to sleep!
Girlfriend: I’m sorry, honey. Where I come from, we eat our pets.

Grocery store
Union Lake, Michigan

Posted on August 20, 2014
Animals, Biotechs, Michigan, Names, Stores

I Did a Little Patting, and Only on the Topside

Man on cell: They said I sexually molested the cat… I would never do that! I love that cat!

Utah

Posted on December 1, 2013
Animals, Gossip, On the phone, Utah

They’re Too Drunk to Drive

Chick on cell: Well, the cadaver table is the only big thing that has to be moved. I’ll take the snakes in my car.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/Overheardinvancouver/~3/102939260/

Overheard by: johanna

Posted on November 25, 2013
Animals, On the phone, Overheard in Vancouver

Italian 101 Textbooks Are Getting More and More Useless

Italian professor: Once, I put an octopus into a boy’s underwear.

http://community.livejournal.com/overheardatbu/43277.html

Posted on November 25, 2013
Animals, Gossip, Overheard at BU, Teachers

Jimmy, If a Cow Got the Chance, He’d Eat You and Everyone You Care About

Guy #1: Hey, do you think that if animals could talk and were as smart as us, we would get along?
Guy #2: I think so… Actually, maybe not lions. They’re pretty crazy.
Guy #1: Yeah, we’d probably have to lock up all the lions and bears.
Guy #2: Damn, bears. Almost forgot.

http://overheardatwestern.blogspot.com/2007/03/after-all-they-are-number-one-threat-to.html

Overheard by: ryan

Posted on November 19, 2013
Animals, Guys, Overheard at Western

Why You Should Avoid Talking to Your Kids

Son: Dad, how do people have sex with dogs?
Father, philosophical: Same reason people have sex with sheep… Or horses.
Son: Well, how do dogs get pregnant, then?
Father, quickly: Humans can’t get dogs pregnant.
Son: But how do the dogs get pregnant from having sex in the ass?
Father, worried: Nobody can get pregnant from anal sex!
Son: Yeah! Doggy-style!
Father, nervous: Bitches get done in the vagina, which you can do from the back. Believe me, it’s back there if you look for it. Dogs never do anal sex — only people do that.
Son: Hmmm…

Bay area, California

Overheard by: I don’t wanna look that hard

Posted on November 18, 2013
Animals, California, Dads, Sex, Should have used a condom

In a Coonskin Cap

Chick #1, squinting at laptop: Is that a squirrel?
Chick #2: No. That’s a penis.

Starbucks
Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Awkward!

Posted on November 18, 2013
Animals, California, Chicks, Penis

Animals