Animals

Woman #1: I fell down the stairs yesterday.
Woman #2: Oh my god! Me, too! What happened?
Woman #1: I don’t know. I just fell.
Woman #2: I guess I’m a little better than you — a possum was chasing me.

Target
Virginia

Teacher: So, you have two teams. Let's make a team name. Like…the red team and the green team, or the lion team and the tiger team. What's your team name?
Ten-year-old boy: Obama team. (team members nod)
Teacher: Uh, okay. (to other team) So, are you guys the McCain team?
Ten-year-old girl: No! (whispered consultation with team members) Blue team.

English School
Gifu
Japan

Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode… Right, but be sure it’s in cow mode… No, you’ll know when it’s in cow mode.

Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas

Overheard by: Not sure I want to know

Male professor, in a very girly voice: Aaaahhh! I'm being trampled by sea horses.

UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

19-year-old girlfriend: You're a silly goose!
19-year-old boyfriend: You are too!
19-year-old girlfriend: That's why we are dating!

Memphis, Tennessee

Woman to man: She fucked the lobster?

Cincinnati, Ohio

Ditzy woman: It would look more like Australia if it was an island, because Australia is an island… right?
Ditzy woman's daughter: I think that's the smartest thing that's ever been said in my presence.
Ditzy woman: Well, somebody in this family has to be brilliant.
Four-year-old boy: Dogs are kinda like vampires because they both have pointy teeth.

Harrisburg, Illinois

Cop on radio: We’ve gotten a report from race security that there is a large Viking ship being rammed repeatedly into some garbage cans in the park.

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: geek whisperer

Professor: You take some guppies from different populations in Trinidad, put them into little plastic bags, shove them down your pants, and smuggle them through the airport back to the lab in California. At least, that?s what we did.

http://www.overheardatumbc.com

Grocery store bagger (handing stuffed cat to little girl): So, what are you going to name your new kitty?
Little girl: Baby Jesus!

California