Vendor: Buy some water! I’ll teach you how to dance!
Pitchfork Music Festival
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seraphina
Vendor: Buy some water! I’ll teach you how to dance!
Pitchfork Music Festival
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seraphina
Telemarketer: Hi, is Mr. Sa– Sama– Samata–
Guy: Go ahead. You can do it.
Telemarketer: Sama– Samthan– Sermana–
Guy: You mean Mr. [says name]?
Telemarketer: Yes, is Mr. [repeats name] available?
Guy: Nope, sorry [hangs up phone].
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: amused girlfriend
Waiter: … Chicken nachos all on her butt cheeks!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
Cop: Have you ever seen a burn victim autopsy?
Security guard chick: No.
Cop: Well, they cut into the guy, and it smelled like cooked meat. It actually made me hungry.
Wal-Mart
Richmond, Texas
Overheard by: Occam’s Lady Schick
Blue collar guy on lunch break: Does she use a strap-on or does she have something that pops out like a turtle head?
Northwestern Law School
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: What a Horrible Visual
Dunkin’ Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on — I’m a nice guy.
Dunkin’ Donuts chick: Well, I haven’t tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
Ticket collector: The bus is now here. Anyone going to Camden, Malden, or Newark, please step forward.
Custodian: Come on, step forward. You don’t gotta be embarrassed if you’re going to Newark.
Greyhound Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Clerk: Hitler was a black man. Did you know that?
Long’s Drugs
Oakland, California
Dining hall employee: We started doing tofu because a lot of people don’t eat meat anymore.
Chick: I love meat.
Russell Sage College
Troy, New York
