Girl on cell in busy hallway: Will you assholes shut up?! I’m trying to have a serious conversation with my boyfriend here!
Punk: When you get done breaking up with him, can I fuck you?
Girl on cell: No!
Punk: Not even anal?
Macomb Community College
Warren, Michigan
Roommate #1, awkwardly: Hey, do you think we could talk about, um, what happened on Friday?
Roommate #2: Oh?
Roommate #1: We were in here, and you were saying that my board hasn’t done anything yet and we’re misusing student funds by going on a board retreat. Remember that?
Roommate #2: Oh.
Roommate: Well, then I got up and went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of lemon and honey tea…
Roommate #2: Okay…
Roommate #1: Well, I used Angie’s* lemon juice right in front of you, and I think you saw me, and I was wondering if that offended you.
Roommate #2: No, I didn’t even notice.
Roommate #1: Oh, okay… Good… Because it’s been on my mind all weekend, and I just wanted to clear that up because it seemed like you were mad at me after that.
Canadia
Chick to friend: I’m telling you — he’s a communist leprechaun posing as a democrat!
Auburn, New York
Angry girl storming out of classroom: My mama ain’t raise no adolescent!
High school
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: Bre
Girl #1: I just don’t think I’ll ever have sex without a condom.
Girl #2: Oh, please — that’s like saying you’re going to wait until marriage.
Mia’s Mexican Restaurant
Dallas, Texas
20-ish redhead: My life would have been so different if I had two gay dads.
20-ish brunette: They would have dressed you in ball gowns every day.
20-ish redhead: Can you imagine the Barbies I would have had?
20-ish brunette: Wow. You would have had all the Barbies.
20-ish redhead: Barbie would have come to my birthday parties.
20-ish brunette: Yes, but she would have been a man.
Houston, Texas
Cute chick on cell: No, I’m on my way to work. Come visit me there! … No, it’s not weird! … Well, yeah, it’s a sex shop, but it’s a boutique sex shop!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Want her business card
Chick: That guy’s not a real bum — he has a laptop!
Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Whitney Wrobel
Chick on boat at company party: So, your brother-in-law inherited the porn collection of a dead man? … Okay, just making sure I understood what we were talking about.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: stuck on a boat
