Mom to daughter in Team Edward t‑shirt: If you were taking your pill in the first place, you wouldn’t be pregnant right now.

New Hampshire

Overheard by: let me kick her in the stomach

Very pregnant woman: I don’t want to have this baby. I don’t want to have to work all of this weight off.
Man: I think I should keep you pregnant. This is the least worst you’ve ever looked.

Wichita Falls, Texas

Overheard by: mikeface

Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I’m pregnant. Knowing that I’m growing this life…
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: The guy applauding her

Woman: I gotta smoke as much as I can before May 30th, ’cause after that it’s bad for the baby.

Middle aged female client: You aren’t going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30‐something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren’t going to be wondering if it’s a girl or a boy, anyway; they’re going to wonder if it’s an animal or a baby.

Overheard by: jenc17

Pregnant, tattooed hipster: This is killing me. How can I go without ink for nine months?
Tattooed hipster friend: Oh, I know.


Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I’m like, “yeah, right!”

York, Pennsylvania

Guy to hugely pregnant woman: There’s a party Saturday – you should come after you give birth.

Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: pie

Young pregnant mother, gratefully accepting seat on crowded tram: Come over here and sit with mummy, Adam.
Four‐year‐old: Noooooooooo.
Mother: C’mon, Adam, come sit with mummy.
Four‐year‐old: Noooooooo (but slinks over and sits down anyway)
Mother: Better?
Four‐year‐old: You’ve ruined my life, mom.
Mother: Yes, honey, I know.


Overheard by: Soap Oprah

Pregnant teen waiting in lunch line: Yeah, I’m having the shower at my grandma’s. My mom said she did not send me to that fancy Catholic school just so I could get knocked up.

Publis High School
Cincinnati, Ohio