Time Management

Underage girl, at 6 pm: Man, I knew I should’ve started drinking at 2!

Glengarry Highland Games

Overheard by: is it that boring?

Preppy girl: I woke up this morning and my legs were so sore! And then I couldn’t remember why they were hurting! I was so worried, especially since I went out last night and Wednesday nights are usually when I stay in. And I couldn’t remember anything that happened. But then I thought, “Oh, wait, I went to the gym yesterday. That must be it.”

Lawrence Hall, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York

20‐something daughter: Mom, can you hand me the scissors?
Mom: Not right now, I’m doing Kegels.


Overheard by: tara

Girl: First, string cheese. Then masturbation!

Saint Peter’s College
New Jersey

Little girl in next stall: But what if Old Faithful starts going while we’re not out there?
Girl’s mother: Well, you’ll have to pee really quickly so mommy can pee and then we can go.
Little girl: But you take a long time to pee.
Mother: Yes, I know.
Little girl: You take a long time to pee.
Mother: Well, thank you for announcing that to the entire bathroom.

Restroom, Old Faithful Inn
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming

Brunette: So, are you gonna get some studying done?
Blonde: No, not really…
Brunette: So, you’re here just to kill time?
Blonde: Yeah, to play.

Baillieu Library
University of Melbourne

Stewardess: Sorry for the delay, ladies and gentlemen. The first two planes we tried didn’t work, so this is the third one and we made it here okay…so, so far, so good!

Airport Runway
Cabo San Lucas

Girl on phone: Come on! Join me for a cup of coffee. We’ll finish studying and then we’ll jump out of the window!

University of Trieste

Overheard by: MissKinney

Worker: My wife is pregnant!
Boss: Do you have a project plan for this?
Worker: Uh…
Boss: What’s the planned date of completion?
Worker: … May?
Boss: Hope you’ve done a risk analysis.


Boy #1: Dude, you know what the best time to get high would be? Right before temple.
Boy #2: No, dude, it’s Yom Kippur. You’ll be so hungry…

Private High School
New York, New York

Overheard by: so many things wrong with this