Anybody Have Any Bread?

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

Posted on March 21, 2020
Class, Colorado, Default, Food, Health & Hygiene, Holidays, Maladies, Offers and requests, Questions, Sensory experiences, Students, Teachers

911 Isn't As Effective in Canadia

Guy on cell: You know you're the only person who calls this number. You have to stop!

St. Catharines
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Meg

Posted on March 20, 2020
Canadia, Default, Guys, Offers and requests, On the phone, Weirdness

Plus, That’s Chicken

20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: … Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.

Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Wallflower

Posted on March 18, 2020
Animals, Comebacks, Default, Food, Geography, Girls, Guys, Massachusetts, Memory lane, Restaurants

I Think It Was the Makeup Sex

Grad student: How did you crack your rib? That's awful.
Administrative assistant: My husband.

University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on March 17, 2020
Body parts, Colleges & Universities, Default, Delaware, Employees, Questions, Relationships, Students

Hey, You Try to Negotiate the Aisles While Applying Eyeliner

Female flight attendant (managing to bump beverage cart into a seat): Whoops, sorry! Woman driver!

Flight over Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Gaby Young

Posted on March 16, 2020
Default, Etiquette, Flight attendants, Gender issues, Hawaii, Women

“My Hatred for Teaching Is Vast As the Ocean”

English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass…
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh…yeah.

St. Joesph High School
New Jersey

Overheard by: Davel

Posted on March 14, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Insults, New Jersey, Questions, Students, Teachers, Words

Dude, Just Make an Audio-Visual Geek Your Friend

Music history professor, putting a CD in the player: And now we pray to the god of CDs. It’s not good to be a teacher with CDs. They are very stupid things. [Pause.] …It’s not good to be a teacher, perhaps that’s what it is.

Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland

Posted on March 14, 2020
Class, Default, Education, Feelings, God, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, Maryland, Music, Teachers, Technology

Speaking Of Guys Who Fuck Other People…

Guy: Let's get married!
Girl: Okay! When are you free?
Guy: Um, is it okay if we wait til after college so I can get a job and make money first?
Girl: Sure! You can fuck other people if you want to!
Guy: Uh, really…
Girl: Oh look, there's my boyfriend! (runs off)

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Overheard by: Erica