Drunk girl #1: God, I hate you. How do you stay so skinny?
Drunk girl #2: I only eat when I’m drunk.

United Kingdom

Overheard by: Nighttime Smoker

Tipsy guy to girl beside him: What are you doing later?
Girl: Going home to Scotchgard my bathrobe.

Duke & Duchess Bar

Overheard by: Cooper Street Relic

Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.

Northern Ireland

Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!

Norfolk, Virginia

Drunk girl: Look! I have salt stains all over my pants. I'm a car.

Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Drunk chick: Look, this is going to take five seconds. I just want to say hi, suck him off, and then we can leave.


Overheard by:

Drunk girl: Oh my god, how can you be wearing a t-shirt right now? It’s so cold outside!
Bouncer: I love the cold. In fact, I have the air conditioning on in my apartment right now.
Drunk girl: Wow, so, what are you? Like, from Florida or something?
Bouncer: No… That doesn’t make any sense.

Washington Street
Brighton, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Patron

Fat drunk guy: I really like your shirt. It's very intellectual.
Girl: Uh, thanks.
Fat drunk guy: I mean, I'm in college, I like to think deep, you know? I want to make films. Deep films.
Girl: Yeah, that'll be cool.
Fat drunk guy: How old are you?
Girl: I'm 16.
Fat drunk guy: Oh, I'm 18. Well…I mean, I'm 23.

Shreveport, Louisiana

Overheard by: Elle

Drunk bimbette: We’re s’posed to be so ladylike… Why do girls have to be so ghetto and stab each other all the time?

York University
Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: A and A

Drunk girl to drunk friend: Unless you live in my vagina, you wouldn't know!

Springfield, Illinois

Overheard by: Random Bar Guy