Dude: So, is it true that you have herpes?
Drunk girl #1: What?! No!
Dude: Thank god!
Drunk girl #1: I had chlamydia and now I have HPV. I only told two people, and now the whole town thinks I have herpes!
Dude: [Stares.]Drunk girl #1, crying: Why does everyone know about my diseases?!
Drunk girl #2: Because you go to the bar, get trashed, and yell about it?
Bar
Newark, Ohio
Bar fly to another entering bathroom: … And don’t go sticking your dick in my kebab again!
Enmore
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Algy_non
Extremely drunk man: You know, I don’t think prime numbers are going to introduce us to aliens… But I think Chuck Berry will.
The Old Hole
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: E
Drunken 50-year-old to his penis: Come on! Pee! Pee until you can’t pee no more, bitch.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Hiding Roommate
Drunken bimbette: First of all, Francesca feels really bad about taking my dad’s money when he was in a coma…
Sinbad’s
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: another margarita, please!
Bartender: You again? I see you everywhere — you’re like a sewer rat.
Drunk guy: Well, I am an alcoholic.
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: doe
Semi-drunk girl in pub crawl attire: I hate Windex, but I fuckin' love Febreze!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: History Major
Drunk watching a pool game: You’re a retard!
Girl playing pool: I’m a retard? I’m not the one with chalk on my nipples!
Kansas
Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It's official–I'm going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
