Bitter guy: Men and women are like stones in a river that lived next to each other for a long time… But one of the stones is a stupid confused idiot who doesn’t ever want to be happy or for any stones anywhere to be freaking happy.

Eugene, Oregon

Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.

Florian bar

Overheard by: And I used to go out with her

Man to wife, thoughtfully: Everything south of San Francisco could just… just fall into the water, and it wouldn’t really matter.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Catherine

Guy: Have you ever wanted to just die for a day, just so people would leave you alone?

Ursinus College

Overheard by: Andrew Nagy

Lady: When I was on morphine I told them I liked Pearl Jam. I hate Pearl Jam!

Eat ‘N’ Park
Sewickley, Pennsylvania

Brat: There’s no real chocolate bars in this vending machine. Stupid healthy people!

Old teacher, about middle school student: Johnny’s fine until he has an audience. Then he gets all gang-bangy and tries to screw Mrs. Smith.
Young teacher: Please don’t ever say that again.

Redlands, California

Moody college girl on phone: No, I have to go the macro class right now and pretend to be a Republican. If you don't agree with the professor, you're wrong.
Moody college girl: Yeah, if I can pull this off I deserve an Emmy, or an Oscar. Hell, I'll take a cookie!

Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts

Angry neighbor: Well, obviously he didn’t appreciate the shaved vagina, or he would have called.

Elizabeth Street
Derby, Connecticut

Loud woman with arms in air: Happy New Year! Happy New Year!
Grumpy man: Fuckin' drunks!
Loud woman: I'm not drunk, I'm Canadian!

Canal Street
New Orleans, Louisiana