Old lady diner to captain: This food is amazing. I hope the chef is single, over 60, and horny.

Arnaud’s Restaurant, Bienville Street
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: The Frontwaiter

Girl #1: How's your sister?
Girl #2: She's a whore. If she wasn't pregnant, I'd go beat her ass.

University of New Orleans, Louisiana

Six-year-old girl: Dad, I want to see snow!
Six-year-old girl's twin: Me toooo!
Dad: But girls, it doesn't snow down here–you have to go up north for that.
Six-year-old girl: Then let's go up north!
Six-year-old girl's twin: To the North Pole!
Dad: Yeah! But you know what, mom won't let us.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Middle-aged woman to another: I said, “Let’s go to church,” and she said, “No, I’m going to stay in bed with Jesus today.”

Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana

Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck

Excited hipster guy on cell: Dude, you just missed Wyclef Jean! He was fucking awesome! He dry-humped me and everything!

Voodoo Music Fest
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Eliza

Cashier #1: So, do you think Ms. Rachel is pregnant, like Missy said?
Cashier #2: No, Missy is always so full of it.
Cashier #1: Yeah, that’s what I thought. I mean, if Ms. Rachel was pregnant, she wouldn’t be messing around with pig’s blood still.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: In agreement, although disturbed

Girl #1: Does transvestism work both ways?
Girl #2: It should. I've dressed up as a man before and I looked damn hot. My tits are small enough you can't even tell!

University of New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Nac

College girl to her family: … And this is where I peed last night!
Security guard: [Applauds.]College girl: You think he heard me?

French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Security Guard

Dude: There’s no way my mom’s vagina could be the Suez Canal.

New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: JP

Guy on cell, after an exam: It was like the big turd finally dropped, now all I have to worry about are little turds.

Louisiana State University

Overheard by: glad she went to class