But No One Who Speaks German Could Be a Mean Guy!

American guy: Could you stamp my passport, please? It’s a hobby of mine.
Passport checker to coworker, in German: These damn Americans always want something. Look, they’ve all got booze and bags and t-shirts. Now they want stamps.
American girl: Sir, I’d like mine stamped, too.
Passport checker, in German: I bet that girl was here to fuck guys. American girls become sluts in Europe.
American girl: Sir, that’s not very nice!
Passport checker, still in German: I hate it when they know German. Then we can’t talk about them!

Airport
Cologne
Germany

Posted on October 11, 2025
Assholes, Germany, Insults, Language barrier, Tourists

She’s Probably Phallucinating

Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.

Florian bar
Berlin
Germany

Overheard by: And I used to go out with her

Posted on May 14, 2023
Germany, Grumpies, Penis

Actually, It’s the Joker Disguised As Batman

Student, discussing artwork: … And this represents my soul!
Teacher, squinting: Your soul is Batman?

Twelfth grade art class
Frankfurt
Germany

Overheard by: Giggling in the back row

Posted on September 13, 2021
Germany, Questions, Students, Teachers

You'd Think There'd Be a Train

Canadian girl #1 to tour operator: Where can we do tours of Auschwitz?
Tour operator: Um, well, Auschwitz is in Poland, so…
Canadian girl #2: No, but we mean the one the Germans set up for the war. The German one.
Tour operator: Yes, I understand, but they set it up in Poland.
Canadian girl #1, after pause: Are you sure? We came to Berlin just to see it.

Berlin
Germany

Overheard by: Jit

Posted on January 2, 2021
Employees, Geography, Germany, History, Murder, Stupidity, Tourists

She Also Wondered This Throughout The Sound Of Music

Fashionable girl to singing man on bicycle: Excuse me, are you mentally ill or just musically inclined?

Düsseldorf
Germany

Overheard by: Anja Schwalm

Posted on August 17, 2020
Comebacks, Germany, Girls, Mental illnesses, Singing, Strangers

I'm Beginning to Regret Letting You Steal Me from That Playground

Four-year old: But I want to go in there!
Frazzled mother: No! Let's go, we have to get home.
Four-year old (crying): You aren't the right mother for me!

Berlin
Germany

Posted on April 20, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Germany, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Wishes

…After Faking Your Orgasm

Guy with cigarette: I have to go home to my girlfriend.
Friend: Just fuck her for ten minutes and then meet me in the bar.

Munich
Germany

Overheard by: How romantic…

Posted on September 20, 2019
Germany, Guys, Sex, Time Management

And This Money Isn’t Even Green!

Middle-aged American tourist woman: The rooms here have strange plugs, I simply cannot use my curling iron! This is outrageous… I want to see the manager immediately!

Hotel Restaurant
Munich
Germany

Overheard by: Dru

Posted on April 15, 2019
Clients, Compare and contrast, Germany, Gripes, Idiots, Restaurants, Technology, Tourists, Wishes, Women

Just a Matter Of Time, Inge

Female friend: I think there are no nude pictures of me… (pause) …On the internet.

Münster
Germany

Posted on October 6, 2016
Friends, Germany, Gripes, Internet, Porn

…But I Haven't Seen a Starbucks for Miles!

American tourist: It's so quaint here. All the pretty houses. It's so romantic.
German host: Uh-huh.
American tourist: What I don't get, though, is why they built it if they don't even charge money for people visiting it.
German host: I think the people living here would feel weird about that.
American woman: Wait, people actually live here??

Regensburg
Germany

Posted on December 31, 2015
Germany, Money, Tourists, Weirdness