Mother: Why are you so exhausted?
Chubby teen, out of breath: There… Was… Dog!
Mom: You ran from a dog?
Chubby teen: I ran… From Cerberus, watchdog of Hades.
Pulaski, Virginia
Dude #1: Dude, did you see Rachel in class today? Smokin’!
Dude #2: Yeah… I’m totally going to wack off to her spring break pics on Facebook tonight.
Dude #1: She put up spring break pics? Me too, then…
James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: OdinUSMC
Teen girl #1: If he was Jewish, he’d be so less Christian, and then he’d be hot.
Teen girl #2: Exactly! I mean, I’d bang him if he just said ‘damn’ every now and then.
Teen girl #1: But nooo, he just has to channel Jesus for us every day.
High school party
Virginia
Drunk queer: There are so many people in the world — especially when you factor in everyone.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: I’d say that’s the best way to do it
Mom: You know, I necked in that funeral home.
Daughter: Mom!
Mom: Oh, honey, it wasn't with a corpse or anything. It was a preacher's son!
West Virginia
40-something pant suit lady #1: I've been trying to cut back on my calories.
40-something pant suit lady #2: Well, you should try…
40-something pant suit lady #3, interrupting: You should try eating a lot of fruit.
40-something pant suit lady #1: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, my friend told me about…
40-something pant suit lady #2, interrupting: No one ever listens to me! You're always ignoring what I'm saying, and I have a lot of good things to say. (turns to 20-something male at next table) You would listen to me wouldn't you?
20-something male, looking annoyed: No.
Panera
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Sweedie
Professor flipping rapidly between Powerpoint slides: Take notes now, suckers!
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: a fan of this professor
Man smoking grape shisha out of a hookah: I don’t think I like that one. It tastes just like heroin.
Girlfriend: You can’t just go around saying things taste like heroin!
Virginia
Dude #1: I hate coming in during the middle of girl conversations.
Dude #2: Oh, God — I came in on the wrong end of a tampon conversation the other day…
Dude #1: Is there a good end of a tampon conversation?
Herndon High School
Herndon, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
Girl: I look retarded!
Guy: My balls hurt.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
