Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years

Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like “promiscuous” and “circumstantial.” Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!

Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado

Posted on March 19, 2010
Bars & Clubs, Character, Colorado, Cops, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Sexuality, Words

Filled with Marijuana

Security agent: What's in the box, sir?
Guy with cardboard box: Pot. (long pause, then slowly) A ceramic pot.

Durango Airport
Durango Colorado

Posted on August 21, 2009
Airports & flights, Colorado, Cops, Drugs, Guys, Questions

…With Excellent Eyesight.

Male state trooper to female state trooper: At that point they don't even qualify as carrots anymore. They're more like small creatures.

China Harbor
Bangor, Maine

Overheard by: Kim

Posted on July 8, 2009
Animals, Compare and contrast, Cops, Food, Maine

And I Am Not Jerry Springer, My Friend

Cop (in creole): Move along.
Hobo: You don't know me!

Port Louis
Mauritius

Overheard by: Kallay

Posted on February 28, 2009
Africa, Compare and contrast, Cops, Default, Hobos, Weirdness, Words

…While Describing It to Me in Slow, Sultry Terms.

Older woman on phone: There are two dogs having relations on my front yard.
Chief of police: Well, hose them down.

Felton, Delaware

Overheard by: oh dear.

Posted on January 16, 2009
Animals, Cops, Default, Delaware, Old folks, Sex, Violence, Women

Any Tattoos or Distinguishing Marks?

Dispatcher on police scanner: A subject was just robbed at gunpoint by a black male wearing no clothing.
Cop #1: Can we get a clothing description?
Cop #2, after silence: Just look for a naked man with a gun.

News Station
Jackson, Mississippi

Posted on January 9, 2009
Clothes, Clothing, Cops, Crimes, Default, Mississippi, Questions

A Good Cargo Pocket Comes in Handy for Almost Anything

Police officer: So that's when they started pulling baseball bats out of their pants?
Guy: Yeah, baseball bats and machetes!

Tysons Corner
Fairfax County, Virginia

Overheard by: Jack

Posted on August 23, 2008
Clothes, Cops, Default, Guys, Questions, Virginia, Weirdness

Ooo– Actually, I Forgot I Had These Nunchucks

Policeman opening doors of Social Security office: Before I let you in, does anyone have any weapons?
Tiny old lady jumping the queue: Just my fist!

Wilkesboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jen

Posted on August 19, 2008
Cops, Default, Hands, North Carolina, Old folks, Questions, Violence

Cops