Girl in bar: He’s a big, harmless teddy bear who has sex with people in their sleep.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike K
Girl in bar: He’s a big, harmless teddy bear who has sex with people in their sleep.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike K
Sorostitute on cell: Like, I don’t know, we hook up every now and then, and we talk… But, like, not about stuff.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Pregnant black lady on cell buying 24-pack of beer at self-checkout: Girl, next time I have me a baby daddy I’ma get me a credit report!
Southfield, Michigan
Girl #1: Well, Jim and I have sex all the time without condoms. Then I had sex with Gary and we used one, but then Scott came and we didn’t use one. Then, that same night, Thomas came over and we used one. But that’s when my vagina started to hurt.
Girl #2: Maybe you should stop using it.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: i wish i had my ipod
Sorostitute: You know how I got my coke whore status?
Roommate: Ummm, how?
Sorostitute: I snorted a line off of Jared’s penis with a hundred dollar bill.
Roommate: Wow.
Sorostitute: That’s not that bad, is it?
Dinning hall, Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida
Older sister: Did you know Louie Armstrong smoked a lot of pot?
Younger sister: While he was in space?
Auburn, Washington
Fast-walking woman: You know him — Scott…
Fast-walking man: Was that the guy who put your mother to sleep?
Glens Falls, New York
Overheard by: Kate E. Austin
Chick #1: A woman came up to me and said there was a guy beating off into the dress.
Chick #2: Really?!
Chick #1: Sure enough, I walked over and his pants were around his ankles.
Guy passerby: Where the hell do you work?
Omaha, Nebraska
Drunk guy to two chicks: I was so tanked last night that I don’t know if I shit in my bed or if somebody else shit in my bed as a joke, but someone definitely shit in my bed. It was a pretty good party, though.
dcist.com
Small boy: They used to shove a big bar of soap right down your throat! But that’s illegal now.
Small girl: Like, if you say ‘poop,’ or if you say ‘hell‘?
Small boy, thinking deeply: I’ve got to research it.
Third grade classroom
Newton, Massachusetts
