Meathead: That’s the type of woman I want to marry. I’ll bend her over, then we can have hairy Aryan babies and eat hummus together. God, what I wouldn’t do to her!
Pleased girl with him: You know, I’m really glad I decided to invite you instead of Joe!

Cedar Point
Sandusky, Ohio

Overheard by: Ckiska

Jock: Wait… Are you talking about Kim? I thought she was dating that guy.
Bimbette: Oh, you mean Fuck-face?
Jock: Yeah.
Bimbette: No, that’s over.

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Jock #1: I felt like such a whore today.
Jock #2: I can imagine.

Montevallo, Alabama

Jock: Diversity is an old, old wooden ship.

Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario

Overheard by: Ship’s Captain

Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you…
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she’s crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something’s wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Sam

Jock: Dude, I went to our professor's office yesterday, and you know what? She has a giant bottle of lube just sitting there on her desk!
Friend: You jackass! That's hand sanitizer on her desk, not lube!

University of Colorado

Overheard by: I keep the lube in the drawer

Field hockey jockette: And then I said, “at least you didn't get gonorrhea!”

Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: reading in the lounge

Jock #1: Yo! I've grown accustomed to your face!
Jock #2: Word!

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

Football player to another: Fuck you, dude. These are spirit fingers, and these are jazz hands!

University of Colorado
Denver, Colorado

College jock: Girls suck. I would so be your gay lover if it weren’t for the whole butt-sex thing.
Scrawny friend: Me too, man.

Davis, California