Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That’s plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I’ll tell you the truth — I didn’t have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn’t know he’d plagiarize it!
College
New York
Overheard by: DizzyLizzy
Professor: So, do you guys think fornication is man’s greatest pleasure?
First year Humanities class: [Embarrassed silence.]Brave student: Um… I don’t know about greatest… I mean, I like to eat.
Professor, slamming hands down on desk: I’ve been eating for 62 years, and I’ve never gotten an orgasm from it!
Richmond, Indiana
20-ish guy: If I have a little girl, I want her to either have the highest moral standards or be ugly as shit.
McCool Hall, Mississippi State University
Mississippi
Drunk girl: I’m filled with the Holy Spirit… and booze!
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Student: I’m so angry about having to pay for social security and all that crap when I’m never going to see it myself. Heck, my parents won’t even see it! They can’t retire until they’re like eighty. This country sucks! I’m moving to Iran.
Art studio, East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
College guy: So, are you still a maybe-lesbian?
College girl, shrugging: I like penis much better. Chicks are crazy, but if one licks me, I’m not gonna complain if they’re hot.
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Teacher: I love you, Daniel*, and I love you, Jacob*, and I love you, Madison*.
Class clown: Do you love me?
Teacher: I like you.
Class clown, after class stops laughing: So you don’t love me?
Teacher: I try to love you — I really do.
Durham School of the Arts
Durham, North Carolina
Teacher: You will build a car from a mouse trap.
Student #1: Those things are dangerous!
Teacher: What?
Student #1: People have died from them!
Student #2: Who’s died from a mousetrap?
Student #1: Over 16 babies have been killed by mousetraps.
Teacher, after pause: People, keep your babies away from it.
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