That’s Like Saying, “I’ll Pass This Class.”

Professor: Can anyone give me an example of an equal relationship?
Student: Husband and wife?
Professor: Oh, you’re so idealistic…

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Posted on February 18, 2026
Class, Compliments, Education, New York, Offers and requests, Questions, Relationships, Students, Teachers

Oh Yeah, Grindhouse Is Just Dripping With Tolstoy

TA: It’s like Anna Karenina in two hours, with shotguns and Satan.

UCSC
Santa Cruz, California

Posted on February 17, 2026
Books, California, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Evil, Students, Violence

Americans Have Always Been More Interested in Style Than in Content

British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn’t have been more than eight, say “bitches and hoes.”
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: … No.

University of San Diego
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Leah

Posted on February 15, 2026
California, Colleges & Universities, Education, Etiquette, Foreigners, Insults, Kids, Offers and requests, Students, Teachers, Wishes

Well He Was French

Philosophy professor: Whatever you do guys, you can’t let Descartes come through the back door!
Students: [Laugh hysterically.]Philosophy professor: It’s not funny! Descartes always tries to come through the back door!

University of Portland
Oregon

Overheard by: B Student

Posted on February 12, 2026
Advice, Class, Education, Oregon, Philosophy, Students, Teachers, Threats

The Foil Helmet Just Seals in the Knowledge

Student: I have this irrational fear of being clunked over the head and shipped to a country whose alphabet I don’t know, so I’m trying to learn all these alphabets… I must be paranoid, I don’t know.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: l_tau

Posted on February 8, 2026
Colleges & Universities, Education, Fears, Geography, Maryland, Mental illnesses, Students, Weirdness

Later That Night, She Was Attacked in Her Bed with Maple Syrup

Professor: So what sorts of people travel abroad and exploit children that are forced into prostitution?
Student: Canadians.
[Class remains silent and professor stares.]Student: …I… Was just kidding.

Las Positas College
Livermore, California

Posted on February 7, 2026
California, Class, Crimes, Education, Geography, Insults, Students, Teachers

Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss

[Chick #1 drops purse, condom falls out.]Chick #2: [Hands it back.] I didn’t know you had a penis.
Chick #1: I’m just being prepared.
Chick #2: In case you grow a penis?

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado