Bisexual girl: So, you wanna go out some time?
Chick: Um, I don’t swing that way when I’m sober.

Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California

Male bartender: So, let’s all take off our shirts and then you can take pictures of us.
Waitress: Oh, we already did that!

Overheard by: the next table over

Dock worker #1: Well, personally, I prefer a nice, stiff rod.
Dock worker #2: Really, a stiff one?
Dock worker #3: I’ve got a stiff rod for you, motherfucker.
Dock worker #1: We’re talking about bass fishing here, asshole.

Tracy, California

Overheard by: Ken Lane

Chick: What’s your background?
Girl with laptop: … Uh, I’m part Korean…
Chick: No, I meant on your computer.

Idyllwild, California

Mom: So, how long are you going away with those people?
Daughter: The whole weekend. The whole fucking weekend with those morons!
Mom, reflecting: God… We’ll need to buy you a lot of booze.

São Paulo

Wasted guy #1: Let me see your phone.
Wasted guy #2: Why?
Wasted guy #1: I need to call my cell.
Wasted guy #2: Why?
Wasted guy #1: To see if it’s in my pocket.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Tswerve

Bimbette #1: I wish I was fat.
Bimbette #2: I totally know what you mean.

Dallas, Texas

Chick to friend: Seriously, smell my face!

University Village
Riverside, California

Man to harried employee: I would like a latte, but please do not steam the milk any hotter than a hundred and thirty degrees…

Coffee stand, Washington National Airport
Washington, DC

Man: Man, I’d like to have been around when Jesus put all them dinosaurs here. I figure that woulda been pretty cool.
Friend: Yeah, that woulda been cool.

Canyonlands National Park
Moab, Utah

Overheard by: Iain