You Could Finish It for Your 100th Birthday

Girlfriend: Have you ever touched another man’s armpit hair?
Boyfriend: No.
Girlfriend: Well, yours are really gossamer-y. If you shaved them off, you could weave a little swatch of, like, satin… And then you could make a quilt!
Boyfriend: Or a patchwork jacket!

Ypsilanti, Michigan

Another Concert in the Twin Plasticities

Concertgoer to friend: It's “neural walls and plasticities.” You know, like brain stuff. But I always thought he was saying “narwhals.”

Andrew Bird Concert
Minneapolis, Minnesota