Military

Marine #1: So, how was it?
Marine #2: Crazy. She wanted me to take a shit in her pussy. That’s fucking weird, man.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Soundbite Lover

Marine: Don't waste good Fun Dip! That's like slapping Jesus in the face!

Camp Leatherneck
Afghanistan

Overheard by: Justus

Marine with no game to clearly uninterested sales clerk: And we marines say “semper fi” to each other, do you know what that means?
Sales girl: Yeah, it…
Marine, interrupting: It means “always faithful.” It's like Russian or some shit… No. Maybe Italian… Yeah, it's Italian.

Mall
Birmingham, Alabama

Soldier: So I guess I'm leaving around April-ish.
Girl: Why can't they send you to Paris? Or Greece?
Soldier: Um… Cause we aren't at war there?
Girl: Well, we should be!

Ft. Campbell, Kentucky

Private: I've been married to her for four years and only cheated on her for two. I don't see why she would wanna split.

Ft. Gordon, Georgia

Chubby guy, pointing to cookies: Can I have one from this side where they're, like, actually cooked?

Chow Line
USS Nimitz Carrier

Overheard by: LikesThemBurnt

Marine #1, on plane: Since you got the window seat, I might lean my head on your shoulder for part of this flight. Not in a gay way, more in a I'm-tired-and-want-to-lean-my-head-on-something kind of way.
Marine #2: Alright, but I might have to smack you. Not in an I-hate-you kind of way, more in a get-your-head-off-my-damn-shoulder kind of way.

Airplane
Atlanta, Georgia

Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.

Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh

Marine to friend: So, it’s like a long story. But basically my mom shot my boyfriend.

CostCo
VictorVille, California

Marine: So, things were going really well until he blew the tranny.

Twentynine Palms, California