Female cashier on cell while ringing up items: Of course I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom! [Long pause, then smirks flirtatiously.] Ew, Jonathon! [Lowers voice] I don’t do that to myself — especially not into my hands…

Staples
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: very amused

Booth babe: So, you spent your day answering questions about free software, and you’re going to spend your night answering questions about — what — genital warts?

LinuxWorld Expo
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Just don’t confuse the two

Skinny guy in tank top showing girl some crumpled mugshot: Have you seen this man before?
Girl on treadmill: Ummm, no?
Skinny guy: Well, he’s a rapist, and he’s at large. So if you see him, or if you get scared at night, just give me a call [hands her a phone number].

Gym
Cary, North Carolina

Girl: I hate faux-hawks. I can’t believe they’re coming back in style. They’re the worst hairstyle ever.
Mother: I think mullets are the worst hairstyle ever.
Girl: At least mullets are honest!

Boulder, Colorado

Overheard by: J

Girl #1: Don’t sit on Lucy, the moose pillow!
Girl #2: You name your pillow?
Guy: That’s okay, I name lots of things. The cyst on my neck’s name is Doug.
Girls #1 and #2: Um…

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Maureen

Nerd: Someone has the same couch from IKEA as I do… And they have abandoned it in the street!

Amsterdam
Netherlands

Dude #1: Hey! Hey! Did you hear? They caught that person who killed those two people!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They caught that person who killed those two people. Or they arrested him, I’m not sure.
Dude #2: Who?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I saw it on TV.

Amherst, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rachel

20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that’s just my hand sanitizer.

Flight to Buffalo, New York

Mom to daughter: All I’m saying is, it would really help get rid of your fat and your pimples.

Mount Vernon
Alexandria, Virginia

Overheard by: mm2105

College girl: I’m taking this online Arabic course… Did you know their alphabet is just all, like, smiley faces?

Providence, Rhode Island