But You’re Drunk Now, Amber.

Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you’re kinda drunk or something, they’ll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can’t even do that when I’m sober! I’ll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f… then j, maybe?

High School Gym Class
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Myr Myr

Guy: Where’d you go for lunch today?
Friend: Umm…I don’t want to tell you.
Guy: Oh god, you went to Arby’s, didn’t you!
Friend, groaning: Yes.

Bar
Omaha, Nebraska

Mom: A 21‐year‐old girl from Oshkosh died today, but they aren’t saying how.
College daughter: A house blew up this morning… Well, a mobile home, actually.
Mom: And it killed that 21‐year‐old girl?!
College daughter: Well, no. They’re unrelated. Actually, I’m just trying to upstage you… But a house really did blow up.

Appleton, Wisconsin

Stoner teen girl watching seals: If I ever turn into an animal, I hope I’m not a seal.
Friend: Why?
Stoner teen girl: ‘Cause just look at the poor things — it’s so hard for them to, like, move. They just wobble everywhere. No legs to help them. I feel so bad for them.

Camden Aquarium
Camden, New Jersey

Overheard by: maryjane

English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.

Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne

Irritated English professor: I think I’m just going to change all my paper assignments to “create an inscrutable utterance.”

Ursinus College
Pennsylvania

Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.

Florian bar
Berlin
Germany

Overheard by: And I used to go out with her

Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I’m not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: cgt

Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it’s Jesus… I’m totally going to Hell.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Chick #1: Was she cute?
Chick #2: No, she was fugs! She looked like an anorexic bear. You know, like, at the circus? One of the ones that are tortured… And forced to wear party hats.

Red Line train
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: I totally know what you mean…