Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you’re kinda drunk or something, they’ll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can’t even do that when I’m sober! I’ll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f… then j, maybe?
High School Gym Class
Overheard by: Myr Myr
Guy: Where’d you go for lunch today?
Friend: Umm…I don’t want to tell you.
Guy: Oh god, you went to Arby’s, didn’t you!
Friend, groaning: Yes.
Stoner teen girl watching seals: If I ever turn into an animal, I hope I’m not a seal.
Stoner teen girl: ‘Cause just look at the poor things — it’s so hard for them to, like, move. They just wobble everywhere. No legs to help them. I feel so bad for them.
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: maryjane
English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.
Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne
Irritated English professor: I think I’m just going to change all my paper assignments to “create an inscrutable utterance.”
Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.
Overheard by: And I used to go out with her
Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I’m not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.
Overheard by: cgt
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it’s Jesus… I’m totally going to Hell.
Chick #1: Was she cute?
Chick #2: No, she was fugs! She looked like an anorexic bear. You know, like, at the circus? One of the ones that are tortured… And forced to wear party hats.
Red Line train
Overheard by: I totally know what you mean…