Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you’re kinda drunk or something, they’ll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can’t even do that when I’m sober! I’ll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f… then j, maybe?
High School Gym Class
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr Myr
- Posted on May 17, 2023
- Canadia, Crimes, Drinking & drunks, Girls, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Stupidity
Guy: Where’d you go for lunch today?
Friend: Umm…I don’t want to tell you.
Guy: Oh god, you went to Arby’s, didn’t you!
Friend, groaning: Yes.
Bar
Omaha, Nebraska
Mom: A 21‐year‐old girl from Oshkosh died today, but they aren’t saying how.
College daughter: A house blew up this morning… Well, a mobile home, actually.
Mom: And it killed that 21‐year‐old girl?!
College daughter: Well, no. They’re unrelated. Actually, I’m just trying to upstage you… But a house really did blow up.
Appleton, Wisconsin
- Posted on May 16, 2023
- Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Default, Girls, Moms, Violence, Wisconsin
Stoner teen girl watching seals: If I ever turn into an animal, I hope I’m not a seal.
Friend: Why?
Stoner teen girl: ‘Cause just look at the poor things — it’s so hard for them to, like, move. They just wobble everywhere. No legs to help them. I feel so bad for them.
Camden Aquarium
Camden, New Jersey
Overheard by: maryjane
English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.
Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne
Irritated English professor: I think I’m just going to change all my paper assignments to “create an inscrutable utterance.”
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
- Posted on May 14, 2023
- Colleges & Universities, Education, Pennsylvania, Teachers, Words
Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.
Florian bar
Berlin
Germany
Overheard by: And I used to go out with her
Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I’m not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: cgt
- Posted on May 13, 2023
- Animals, Family ties, Guys, Hair, Illinois, On the phone, Parenting
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it’s Jesus… I’m totally going to Hell.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Chick #1: Was she cute?
Chick #2: No, she was fugs! She looked like an anorexic bear. You know, like, at the circus? One of the ones that are tortured… And forced to wear party hats.
Red Line train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: I totally know what you mean…
