Extra Chunky

20‐something girl: So I had to go to the emergency room because I thought I had a baby.
Shocked co‐worker: What?! What was it?
20‐something girl: Just my period. But it was a bad one.

Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: don’t ditch health class

Cop, over cruiser speaker, to lethargic group of hipsters: Go ahead…walk.
(hipsters saunter across street)
Cop, still on speaker: Good job.

Davis Square
Somerville, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Kaitlin

Freshman ho #1: But… Are you, like, good at drunk driving?
Freshman ho #2: Oh, yeah… I’m, like, sooo good! I’ve been drunk driving, like, since I got my license.


Overheard by: newm

Little old lady: I’m not a Pina Colada type. Give me a Coors Light and a nice doobie and I’m good.

Women’s Gym
Studio City, California

Overheard by: urzzz

Chick to friend: Well, it’s not as if you were ever going to be elected president of the cock fan club, now was it?

Melbourne University

Overheard by: Wylis

Female student: I feel like I have a really tough skin, because I was always teased by my dad from the moment I was born.
Male student (in very serious, philosophical tone): Scorn was your breast milk.

University of Southern California

Overheard by: Got milk?

Scruffy‐looking man to scruffy‐looking friend: So everybody was dropping porn star names. I think we should totally continue dropping male porn star names, because it’s so much more impressive than female porn stars. I am down with the porn stars.


Overheard by: ExpatManc

Girl rambles on in Albanian for two minutes, then suddenly in English: So you can just eat my toe!


Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.


Overheard by: alyssa

Guy on cell, leaving campus: I want to be, like, the smartest guy working at Pizza Hut.

UC Irvine
Irvine, California

Overheard by: Tira