Old hag: Sometimes I forget I’m married. I guess if my husband was rich I wouldn’t forget about him, but he not.
Overheard by: anonymous
Teen girl: I just discovered my fly was undone when my hand was mysteriously near my crotch.
Professor: I don’t care what you say, there’s nothing worse than eating a baby.
Overheard by: First row fanboy
Man to friend: Let’s play the handicapped game — paralyzed, or just lazy?
Epcot Park, Disney World
Mom reading book: This says ‘odd.’ Do you know what ‘odd’ means? It means something is funny or weird. Like when you said you wanted to eat a rock — that was odd.
Red Line train
Overheard by: Sitting behind them trying not to laugh
Girl #1: Oh, man, I still have to contribute money for the grad gift.
Girl #2: Yeah, I had to do that yesterday.
Girl #1: What sucks is that you have no say as to how the gift is used. I mean, a portrait of Professor Erickson* is nice, but a statue of Professor Erickson fighting a bear… Now that would be amazing!
Professor: I guess one lesson we can take from this book is to never slap a Chinese warlord.
20th Century World Novel class, Mississippi State University
Overheard by: blondie
Bimbette #1: Let me turn on the flash — it’s dark in here.
Bimbette #2, after picture: Oh my god, that was so bright! That was like when the cop shined the flashlight in my eyes at my DUI.
Bimbette #3: Could he see your brain?
Ridgefield Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Big J
Teen: So, there is this shirt that says ‘Florida: Where America goes to die.’
Friend: I wouldn’t want to move to Florida when I get old — it’s too hot. Especially in August.
Teen: But that’s only one month out of 11.
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous