And Watched the Baby Play with a Plastic Bag

Office building tenant: Oh, and I just wanted to let you know there was a fire in the dumpster last week. I looked for the security guard in the building, but couldn't find him. I didn't know who else to notify, so I just went home.

Overheard by: how about 911?

I Specialize In Them

Professor: So, there seems to be the notion that a girl who dresses like a slut is asking for it.
Male student: Now, I do not dabble in sluts myself, but I have plenty of friends who do.
Professor: I think we’re done for the day.

Sociology class, University of Colorado

One Hates to Be Greedy

Guy, whilst walking arm in arm with date, boastfully: Yeah, I've done my fair share of stalking.

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Or the Consequences Will Be Dire.

Four-year-old girl, pointing stern finger at drawing of a pink unicorn: I command you to dance!

Bakersfield, California

Overheard by: Mella