England Expects No Less

Little girl in bathroom stall with mother: Doody! It’s fun to say “doody” in the bathroom! Say “doody,” mom!

Whole Foods
West Orange, New Jersey

Overheard by: I almost said it myself.

Hippie using his pocket PC: It’s very primitive -I use it for solitaire while pooping.

Bean & Leaf Coffee Shop
New London, Connecticut

Overheard by: Overand

Student: I’m as much like Hitler as Hitler was.

Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana

Overheard by: Kat

Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car’s loudspeaker): I’m not a motherfucker.

University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia

Overheard by: Anne

Three-year-old boy, pulling action figure out of a box of toys, whispering: I love you, He-Man. (louder) I love you, He-Man! (at the top of his little lungs) I love you, He-Man!

Monarc Thrift Shop
Red Bank, New Jersey

Overheard by: klutch

Skanky girl walking down hall to friends: She told me to put my cigarette out… I put it in my bra.

Asher Alternative High School
Detroit, Michigan

Guy: I’m pretty positive that on judgment day, god is going to have a live action replay of this conversation and be like: “See… And you were so close!”

University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky

Guy, mournfully: And then I go in and Colin is sitting there, taking shots of vodka by himself, in that pink dress…
Girl, nonplussed: Again?

Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: archie

Girl: I thought dinosaurs were a fairy tale.

Junior High Science Class
El Paso, Texas

Old lady to friend: I’ve been praying for the strength to be friendly with Nicole*, but she makes it so difficult! Goddamit, I am going to heaven, so either she has to shape up soon or I have to try not to die!

San Jose, California