We Stumble Around Drunk with Dignity

Girl to another: Woah, that was not me who peed all over that seat. I mean, did you see that girl stumble out? She couldn't even stand up! I mean… and we're the strippers?! Classy.

Camelot Strip Club
Washington, DC

God, You're So Competitive, Jason!

Ditzy woman: It would look more like Australia if it was an island, because Australia is an island… right?
Ditzy woman's daughter: I think that's the smartest thing that's ever been said in my presence.
Ditzy woman: Well, somebody in this family has to be brilliant.
Four-year-old boy: Dogs are kinda like vampires because they both have pointy teeth.

Harrisburg, Illinois

He’s Got the Extemporaneous Rhyming, but Can He Rope-a-Dope?

Voluble man: Hey, blondie! Hey! Guess what? I’m the prettiest man on this here bus! I’m like Muhammad Ali! Get your degree, smoke your crack free, national American methiversity! Hey, blondie! Guess what? I gots the prettiest dick on this whole bus! You should come over and check it on up!


Overheard by: blondie

We've Found That First-Born Children Are Too Much Of a Hassle.

Conductor over PA: Forge Park, last stop. Please look around you and take all of your belongings. If you leave anything behind… We like tens and twenties.

Commuter Rail
Franklin, Massachusetts