Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!
University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Joa
I Like to Think Of It As Adding a Little More Magic to the Kingdom
Male golfer to 20-something son and his girlfriend: See, that’s the problem golfing with a female. If there are no women here, the world is your toilet!
The Magnolia Golf Course, DisneyWorld
Orlando, Florida
Do You Mean It, or Are You Just Using Her for Sex?
Girl on cell: I said “I love you” like three years ago. Why? When was the last time you said it?
[pause]Girl on cell, shocked: Ew! To who, you whorebag?!
[pause]Girl on cell, incredulous: You say “I love you” to your mom?
200 Bus
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: likewhoa
And Their Latter-Day Stains
Woman: Shhhh, people are sleeping. Not everybody wants to hear about Mormon underpants.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Old Is the New Dead
Guy on cell: You realize it is old people’s only duty to die to get out of the way right?
International Airport
Louisville, Kentucky
This Has Nothing to Do with Particle Physics, but I Thought I’d Share
Professor: Have any of you been hurt by love? [Class is silent, and professor cackles maniacally] Hahaha, ohhh, it’s coming.
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Why Professors Rarely Ask Students to Introduce Themselves on the First Day Of Class Anymore
Nerd: I don’t know about you, but I have trouble being romantic when I’m sweating to death.
Community College
Illinois
Overheard by: adderall driven
Ad: Duct Tape– Is There Nothing It Can’t Do?
Girl #1: Eww!
Girl #2: Oh, what? You can talk about your abortion, but I can’t talk about warts?
Ashland, Oregon
Overheard by: crystal
I Meant SkyMall Magazine, but Whatever
Newbie guy on airplane: What’s this?
Female friend: For your entertainment.
Newbie guy: Ooooh! Barf bag!
Washington International Airport
Baltimore, Maryland
And Tommy Keeps Motorboating Them.
Boy: There are cleavages on the top of page 221.
High School
San Diego, California
