Nerd: She looks like Shrek, but she sings well.

School bus
Northern Virginia

Overheard by: Alanna

Professor: The Civil War actually brought along a lot of the standardized clothing measurements that we use today, though they were much more in-depth, such as inseam in relation to knuckle-width and things like that… And, of course, they measured penis size.
Student: Why?
Professor: Well, because it’s one of the things you can measure.

http://www.overheardatumbc.com

Kid: Hey, where does the line start?
Mom: All the way over there.
Kid: Dear God. My glasses have fooled me yet again!

Kohl’s
Howell, New Jersey

Girl: Yeah, there’s a Facebook group called ‘I’m a fermata, hold me.’
Professor: What?
Girl: You know, Facebook? YouTube?
Professor: What?!
Girl: You know, like, the Internet?
Professor: I know about the Internet! I know!

Sarah Lawrence College
New York

Professor, calling role: Sarah?
Sarah: Here!
Professor: That’ll be easy to remember. It was my ex-wife’s name.
Sarah: [Looks uncomfortable.]Professor: But don’t worry — I probably won’t hold that against you.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Leia

Mom, oblivious to sons sliding on ice through parking lot: So, I guess we want a tree that’s really tall, but not too wide…
Lady, wincing every time boys slide near a moving car: Wow, those two must be a handful, huh?
Mom: Oh, yeah. Actually, I have three, but the youngest is at home because he broke his neck and he’s too hard to cart around.

Syracuse, New York

Ghetto girl: Did you know that half my weight is in my ass?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: You have a ghetto booty?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I went to the doctor’s and he said, ‘Yo, half your weight is in your ass,’ and my mother laughed her head off.

All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: freshman whisperer

Guy: You really need to stop driving by my house and calling me 20 times a day.
Ex-girlfriend: Whatever. You’re acting like I’m a crazy stalker or something… And I don’t drive by your house all the time.
Guy: Well, every time I or my dad or my roommate leave the house, you’re driving away. It’s kind of creepy.
Ex-girlfriend: Oh, what? Like, I mean, I would never shoot you!

Murfreesboro, Tennessee

Security guard to girls who set off alarms: It’s okay. Sometimes I steal things, too.

Boston, Massachusetts

Tall guy: When we get back to the flat we should measure how tall we all are.
Shorter girl: … Why?
Tall guy, in creepy, monotone voice: … I like to measure people.

Manchester
UK

Overheard by: Scared by-stander