Waitress: What kind of dressing would you like on your salad? We have French, Thousand Island and Italian.
Gorgeous blond: I’ll have Ranch.
Waitress: No.

Glenwood Springs, Colorado

Spacey English major: So… he’s a queer writer, right?
Surprised teaching assistant: No. He’s just Jewish American.
Spacey English major: Oh, same thing.

University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy: Leggings are fucking up everything. I used to know when it was winter because girls would stop wearing skirts, but now thanks to leggings they can wear them all year. It’s bullshit.

Connecticut College

Angry traveler: The flight’s canceled because of weather?!? Can’t you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma’am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.

O’Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: He’s not so Godlike

They Tend to Appear at Random, Rather Like Elves.

Girl to friend: Well, I woke up naked, again, with a quesadilla in my bed, again, so I say it was a pretty average night.

Eclipse de Sol Restaurant
Atlanta, Georgia

Old woman to granddaughter: I saw her the other day, and all the fat from her face has slipped down to her boobs.

Piccadilly Circus
London
England

Overheard by: lola

Girl to boyfriend: Like, I think it has more to do with you being on crack more than anything.

Baker Library
Dartmouth College, New Hampshire

Overheard by: you think?

Guy: So, you can talk about stabbing puppies but I can’t talk about punting babies? That doesn’t seem right.
Girl: That’s exactly right.

Rutgers Stadium, New Jersey

Dude: Just because you masturbate to llama/turtle porn…

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

Guy #1: What’s the big deal about the bird flu anyway? I’m not a bird.
Guy #2: It’s those people who play with bird crap and such. It’s kinda like the chicken pox, see what I mean?
Guy #1: Well, I’m fine then because I already had the chicken pox.

Reno, Nevada

Overheard by: Scott