Dude: I was trying to moon them with your butt without you knowing.
Lebanon, Indiana
Apparently She Needs the Practice
Goth teen girl: If you don’t come back to me, I’ll kill myself.
Exasperated teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don’t listen to her. She’s always killing herself.
East Bay Diner
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Like a University Professor Ever Has to Pay for It
Statistics professor: So let's say we ask a random question, such as “have you had unprotected sex with a prostitute in the last week?”.
(class laughs)
Statistics professor: Most people would answer “no.” Including myself. I'll leave it up to you to decide if that's the truth or not.
University of Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Danielle
It's 2:58 — Give Him a Little Credit.
Girl on cell in empty hall: So how long do you want to have sex with your boyfriend? Until, like 3:00?
Temple University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
…In a Non-Sexual Way?
Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: aba therapist
Holy Shit, I Never Thought of It That Way
Gym rat #1: Maybe I can just get a pocket pussy. I think they’re expensive, though. Unless I can find a used one online.
Gym rat #2: Awww, dude! Who the fuck would sell one of those used?! And why would you buy it?!
Gym rat #1: Why not?
Gym rat #2: Why would you buy something that some other dude came in?!
Gym rat #1: You fuck girls that other guys have cum in before, haven’t you? At least a pocket pussy can be put in the dishwasher. Sure beats some chick refusing to shower!
Planet Fitness
Dorchester, Massachusetts
Mickey Doesn't Care, Sweetie
Girl to family: Happy 4th of July, everyone!
Kid next to girl: But I'm Jewish!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
…From Everything I've Read About Orgasms.
Professor, after pushing back mid-term: Isn't that, quote-unquote, orgasmic?
College of William and Mary
…as Salad Dressing.
Creepy mustached dude: Yep, so that's nine weeks of good urine testing. And about four weeks ago, I started using my own.
Dunkin' Donuts
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: All I wanted was a coffee
Baby Steps, Sweetie
Girl: I made out with a five-year-old orphan today.
Boy: Well, I guess that's a little better.
High School
Florida