Why They Invented the Ball Gag

Chick #1: So, I was talkin’ to Gary yesterday.
Chick #2: He is so far up his own ass, I’m surprised he can say anything.
Chick #1: Yeah, I know. He was talking about some audio clip he’s doing, and how great it is, and my god — he annoys the shit out of me!
Chick #2: Yeah… Fantastic fuck, though.
Chick #1: Agreed — he is huge… I kind of heart Gary.

Central Station

Mother: Derek, come back here!
Five-year-old: No! You can’t tell me what to do! I’m going to go gamble some more! [Runs off.]

CAT ferry from Nova Scotia to Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Misaki

Middle-aged black woman to friend: You gotsta have TP. You gotsta wipe yo’ ass.


Overheard by: anonymous

Mid-40s thrift store lady, to VHS of Hidalgo: Mmm, mmm — Viggo Mortensen. Any time, any place, anywhere, any hole. You know it.


Overheard by: little bald bastard

Hot lady to another: Well, that’s one drawback to being a whore.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: loyal seattle reader

Possibly preggers teen: I’m going to name my baby ‘Vodka.’
Skanky mom: Oh.

Liquor store

Little girl, singing: Hey! I’m a crazy bitch, but I fuck so good you’re on top of it when you dream of doing me all night…
Father: What the fuck?! Are you trying to get taken by the social worker?!

Food Court, Connecticut Post Mall
Milford, Connecticut

Sleazy white employee: Yeah, man, black girls know how to work it.
Black employee: Uh-huh.
Sleazy white employee, whispering: Yo, man, I was doin’ one one time, though, and I was about to go on her chest and she was like, ‘Nuh-uh,’ and pointed it at me and it went on my chest!

EB Games
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: works downstairs

Chick #1: So, what was it like? Would you do it again?
Chick #2: Kind of like a hot dog… I was so hungry…
Chick #1: Ewww!
Chick #1: I just wanted to bite down, y’know?


Fourth grade student: All the guys in France have big schlongs.