Homely housewife: And she said, “are you going to blot it?” and I said, “of course, that’s why I collect napkins.”
Fayette Mall
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: verticalQ
Besides, It’s Been Done to Death
Girl: I’m not sure if I can be bothered dying.
London
England
The Queen Amidala Headdress Is Really Heavy
Costumed dad to little girl: You need to listen. Understand? You will not take your clothes off!
Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration
Los Angeles, California
Behind the Wheel, Sure
Girl (reading inspirational quote): “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” (pause) Helen Keller. (to friend) Wasn’t she, like, a killer?
Indigo Bookstore
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Sunissa
As I Learned at the Birth-a-Bear Workshop
Boy to friend: I’m totally capable of giving birth to a live teddy bear.
High School
Clarksville, Maryland
Michigan Girls Make a Bid for the Title
Girl #1 in bathroom stall: My poop looks awesome! It has things in it! Come, look!
Girl #2 (waiting outside stall): No.
Girl #1: Come on!
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Please?
Girl #2: No! I never will.
Girl #1: I just won’t flush it and then you’ll have to look.
Girl #2: You better flush that shit!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
The Feel of Flesh, the Endurance of Metal
Tech enthusiast: Wait, did you say ‘cyber sex’?
Dude: No — cyborg sex.
Tech enthusiast: Cyborg sex? That’s even better!
http://weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com/2007/03/resistance-is-futile.html
…Since I Accepted Homer Simpson As My Personal Savior
Teenage girl #1: He hates me.
Teenage girl #2: He doesn’t hate you. Maybe you should just say “hi” to him.
Teenage girl #1: How am I supposed to say “hi”? I have voices in my head saying “I want cheeseburgers”!
Canberra
Australia
It Says Here the Mule Consented?
Cop: You know there’s a warrant out for your arrest, right?
Guy with arm in cast: Oh, really?
Cop: Yeah… So we should probably have a chat about that.
Town Court
Duanesburg, New York
Overheard by: 91 in a 65
Should’ve Realized He Wasn’t “Chosen” When He Never Got Picked for T‑Ball
Girl to friend: So he was already crying because he found out we weren’t Jewish. Then he was like, “But aunt Jill is Jewish! Why aren’t we?!” My mom had to explain that Jill’s her best friend, not her sister. So then he found out we weren’t related to Jacob and everyone. So he cried even harder.
Friend: Wow.
Girl: Yeah, but he was like 10, so he should have just sucked it up.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tyler
