With Some Oth­er Girl’s Name Sewn In­to Them!

Prep­py mom: Why are you both­er­ing to buy a Christ­mas present for the guy that you’re about to break up with?
Teen daugh­ter: Well, he bought me un­der­wear…

Au­gus­ta, Maine

Over­heard by: shop­ping in the pa­ja­ma sec­tion

Eh, Ghouls Just Wan­na Have Fun.

Girl: I’m al­ways re­al­ly re­lieved when I go through the check­list and re­al­ize be­yond doubt that I don’t sat­is­fy any of the cri­te­ria for a di­ag­no­sis of psy­chosis.
Guy: I al­ways feel like I’m just wait­ing for it. If I start see­ing gob­lins every­where, then it’s all good.


Some­one Needs to Hold Up the Score Cards

Grad stu­dent #1: Yeah, it is re­al­ly hard. They have to wait and see how much, like, brain mat­ter they share.
Grad stu­dent #2: What does the one twin do while the oth­er twin has sex?
Grad stu­dent #1: I think he just lays there and is re­al­ly un­com­fort­able.
Grad stu­dent #2: Awk­ward.


Over­heard by: llouie

That’s the Foun­tain on the Right

Loud guy in restau­rant: So, we were out shop­ping and there were all these women in burkas tak­ing pic­tures of each oth­er. How fuck­ing point­less is that? It’s not like they’re go­ing to look back af­ter­wards and go, ‘Oh, look, there’s Doris by the foun­tain!’