Speaker Pelosi Has Finally Had It

Designer suit on cell: No, dude, I talked to her. She’s definitely going to call the cops on us.


Confused girl to another: You’re a man-whore? I’m a man-whore, too!


Overheard by: anonymous

Guy #1: Oh, sorry, man. I forgot to tell you about it… If you were on Facebook, I would have invited you.
Guy #2, pissed: … I live two doors down from you!


Extremely drunk man: You know, I don’t think prime numbers are going to introduce us to aliens… But I think Chuck Berry will.

The Old Hole
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: E

Teen: I used to think I was fat, but then I realized I wouldn’t have had sex with five guys if I was fat. No one wants to have sex with a fat girl.

New Jersey

Overheard by: BTON

Father looking at sign: Look! You could work here when you start school.
Son: Why would I want to work here? They can’t even spell ‘prerequisite’ right.
Father: That’s because it’s per-quisite.


Overheard by: glad to be sharing a school with this kid

Kid #1: Man, you always say that word when you’re drunk.
Kid #2: Yeah, I know. I need to stop watching that Michael Richards video.


Dude: She totally sandbags! You know she sandbags?!
Chick: Like there’s a hurricane.


Overheard by: pineapple

Nerd: She was like, ‘That’s so cute!’ and then I came all over her face!

Baylor University
Waco, Texas

Overheard by: kindaDisgusted

Dork #1: Yeah, but Super Mario had the princess…
Dork #2: I’d rather fuck the squirrel [in Sonic] than that square-ass bitch!


Overheard by: thomas