Exceedingly pale college guy: You can’t trust redheads. They don’t blink their eyes at the same time.
Exceedingly pale high school guy: (nods in understanding)
Arby’s
Tempe, Arizona
You Know… Down There
Anthropology professor teaching Sex and Gender: I’m afraid I’ll have to leave class early today…I have to go to the hospital, I have a doctor’s appointment…for something…at a certain time…
Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington
Oh, Right: “I’m a Smoker Now.”
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Stick Something Weird in Your Penis, Then
20-something girl: If I had a penis I wouldn’t know what to do with it. Awkward.
20-something guy: If I had a vagina I’d stick all kinds of weird stuff in it all the time!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: akvinsc
Given My Raspy Voice
Blonde: I like berries. Kate, you should be a berry.
Kate: That can be arranged.
California
Lovemaking Is Cooperative; Fucking Is Competitive
Dude: She fucks like a division one athlete. I swear, I take three shots of whiskey before I go to her place. I need to have the spins so I have any chance of lasting.
Ten Stone
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: johnny
Um, Racoon Mario Is So Much More Useful
Girl playing video game: Some girls just want to get married. I just want fire.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Kelson
From the Runaway Best-Seller Is My Child Goth?
Mother to two laughing children running down sidewalk: Get back here! Hold her hand! Get back here right this instant! [Catches them and grabs their hands, pulling them back towards their house, pointing at a nearby car.] That car is sitting there. What if that man would have backed out and hit you?! What if he couldn’t have seen you? What then?
Four-year old boy: Then hooray! Hooray!
Los Angeles, California
…Is the Title of My Coffeehouse Bongo Piece
Guy: My life is one giant erection.
Attleboro, Massachusetts
If So, Have I Got the Portable Fainting Couch for You!
Loud lady to friend: So, have you fallen down in any more parking lots this summer?
Panera Bread
White Marsh, Maryland
Overheard by: just eatin my lunch
