Girl: You know, you were in my dream last night.
Guy: Oh, really? What was happening?
Girl: Well, …you were trying to kill me.
Guy: Oh… that wasn't a dream.

Oviedo, Florida

Overheard by: Um…

Chick: My sister has a 4.0 GPA, but that doesn't mean anything when you've got a criminal record.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Evy

Chick: You have never truly lived until you have been surrounded by drunk Welsh rugby fans singing I Touch Myself.

International Airport
Denver, Colorado

Guy #1: Let's become a band of traveling acrobats!
Guy #2: …yes.

Toronto
Canadia

Miss Narcissus Suffers from Low Self-Esteem

Female office worker: Once I was at this club and there was a mirror across from me. Not only did I walk into it and break it accidentally, but before I did it, I remember looking at myself and saying, “Who is this bitch?” and then, crash. I talked shit about myself and then I broke the mirror.

Walnut Creek, California

Overheard by: trose

Drunk girl to another drunk girl puking at the curb: Girl, it's okay girl. You're still cute, girl.

Greenville, South Carolina

Guy #1: Do you think that street sign in the window is white trashy?
Guy #2: Dude, you are wearing a cowboy hat, a Rangers jersey and drinking from a German Stein, I don't think you need to worry about the sign.

Party
Long Island, New York

Girl #1: Oh my god, Jen* is such a skank!
Girl #2: Yeah, but if I was that good-looking I'd be a slut too!

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Kat

Girl #1: It's just that I feel like Amazon is judging me.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I bought one gay erotica book and now it wants me to buy Japanese porn.

Starbucks
Ukiah, California

Girl: Nick's dick reminds me of being fifteen.

Marquee Theatre
Phoenix, Arizona