Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: aba therapist
Gym rat #1: Maybe I can just get a pocket pussy. I think they’re expensive, though. Unless I can find a used one online.
Gym rat #2: Awww, dude! Who the fuck would sell one of those used?! And why would you buy it?!
Gym rat #1: Why not?
Gym rat #2: Why would you buy something that some other dude came in?!
Gym rat #1: You fuck girls that other guys have cum in before, haven’t you? At least a pocket pussy can be put in the dishwasher. Sure beats some chick refusing to shower!
Planet Fitness
Dorchester, Massachusetts
Girl to family: Happy 4th of July, everyone!
Kid next to girl: But I'm Jewish!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Professor, after pushing back mid-term: Isn't that, quote-unquote, orgasmic?
College of William and Mary
Creepy mustached dude: Yep, so that's nine weeks of good urine testing. And about four weeks ago, I started using my own.
Dunkin' Donuts
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: All I wanted was a coffee
Girl: I made out with a five-year-old orphan today.
Boy: Well, I guess that's a little better.
High School
Florida
Boyfriend: Baby, you have to shave that mustache.
Girlfriend: Shut up! I keep telling you I'm getting it waxed.
New Jersey
Overheard by: Rebecca
iPod girl on cell: I'm eating lunch and listening to lesbian music. (pause) Yeah, The L Word soundtrack. I'm working on becoming a lesbian again. (laughs) I'm just kidding. I'm still gonna drive stick. (pause) That's what happens when you're a cock whore. You can't just give it up cold turkey.
Atlanta, Georgia
Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: seastardodell
20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay