Um, It's a Shit Party in Your Pants, Dude

Girl at party: For the last time: I am not interested in you. You're too short, too fat and too drunk!
Guy, defiantly: I'm not drunk! If I was drunk, I wouldn't think you were so fucking ugly!
(girl storms off angrily)
Guy, to himself: It's a shit party when the ugliest bitch at the party ain't a sure thing!! Melbourne
Australia Overheard by: Scotty

…Your Majesty

Guy to friend: Well, you're from England and she's Canadian, so it probably has something to do with the metric system. Lexington, Kentucky