I’m Tryin’ to Cause a Scene Over Here!

College dude: She needs to get her fuckin’ face smashed in. She’s such a stupid bitch.
Friend: Who?
College dude: Janet*. I fuckin’ hate her. This is fuckin’ bullshit. [To other friend across the library] Hey, shut the fuck up down there!

577 Western Avenue
Westfield, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Annie

The Difference Between Quality and Quantity Eludes Many Americans

Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don't spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.


Overheard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response

Mom Was Never the Same After My Birth

Referee: The puck is loose! It's loose it's loose!
Player on the bench, muffled: Your mom is loose!
Referee: I heard that.

Hockey Rink

Overheard by: penguins

Mom Says I'm Embarrassing Her

Frat boy #1, shouting: Man, I would never date a girl who looks like my sister.
Frat boy #2, also shouting: But that's all you date.
Frat boy #1, in lower voice: I know, but I gotta stop.


Overheard by: Mimi

An Institution Worth Protecting

Obese middle-aged tourist to husband: I called him and told him we're at passenger pick-up 2. He called and asked where we'd be, and I said passenger pick-up 2, that's where he can find us. It's just easier to find us when he gets here. Passenger pick-up 2. And it's cold. That's why I brought this vest. I brought this vest in case it got cold, and it got cold. I'm going to button it up. Did you hear me? I'm going to button it up. There, it's buttoned. (husband ignores her)

Newark Airport, New Jersey

Overheard by: EthanK