Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don’t know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don’t have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait… A bulldozer?
Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland
Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I'm like, “yeah, right!”
Target
York, Pennsylvania
Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There's Rebeca, from cheerleading.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she's so perky.
Queer dad: And irresponsible, she always leaves her kids on the car when she goes anywhere.
Woman: Oh, really?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Escalade with a smoking hot nine-year-old idling in the parking lot? Especially in this neighborhood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said “smoking” hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh…
Dunkin Donuts
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Chick #1: I have toothpaste on my crotch.
Chick #2: Uh… What?
Chick #1: I was brushing my teeth this afternoon and I got excited.
http://overheardatwestern.blogspot.com/2007/04/was-it-electric-toothbrush.html
Overheard by: natalie
Professor: Her motto was, ‘Forget the pill, it’s all God’s will.’ So nature had its way and this young lady got pregnant. And just so you know, I had nothing to do with it.
Philosophy lecture, Melbourne University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: sleepy philosophy student
Five-year-old boy to passing stranger: I ain’t yo’ baby’s mama.
College Park, Maryland
Football player to another: Fuck you, dude. These are spirit fingers, and these are jazz hands!
University of Colorado
Denver, Colorado
Old hillbilly: I love my old lady so much, I told her that when I die, I want her to cremate me, put me in a douche bag and give me one more go ’round…
Athens, Georgia
Woman, about her son: He’s much better since he came back from rehab. He still drinks, but at least he doesn’t do glue sniffing anymore.
Mining town
Northern Canadia
Man: … And then he shot a hooker in the face with a crossbow!
Cloak and Dagger Pub
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
