Fag hags

Queer: So, that pretty much sums it up.
Fag hag: Wow.
Queer: It’s actually pretty usual for gays, I’m just not into it.
Fag hag: Wow. I am so scared of gay men right now.
Queer: Sweetie, it’s not like a hamster wearing galoshes is [bus goes by so rest is inaudible].
Fag hag: Like summer camp.

Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida

Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good…
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn't this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I'm getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don't really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It's gross. We're just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eating story I've heard all day.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: TMI

Girl: Booze!
Masculine gay dude: Fuck, yeah. I just finally finished my antibiotics. I'm gonna go fall off a stripper stage into some tits or somethin'.
Straight friend: Uhhh.


Queer: Wouldn’t it be great if penises tasted like Nutella?
Fag hag: Unfortunately, oral sex doesn’t give you an evolutionary advantage, so we’ll probably never evolve that way.


Overheard by: premed

Fag hag: So, I fell asleep when Jack* was stripping, and when I woke up Victor* was in pink stockings and doing something to my umbrella that I don’t even want to think about. I really have to start having more straight friends.

São Paulo

Queer dad at the back of the line: Ohmigod! There's Rebeca, from cheerleading.
Woman friend: Oh yeah! I hate her, she's so perky.
Queer dad: And irresponsible, she always leaves her kids on the car when she goes anywhere.
Woman: Oh, really?
Queer dad: I mean, who leaves a top of the line Escalade with a smoking hot nine-year-old idling in the parking lot? Especially in this neighborhood!
Woman dad: That is so wrong!
Queer dad: I know!
Woman: No, that you said “smoking” hot nine-year-old.
Queer dad: Oh…

Dunkin Donuts
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Billy Splatts!

20-something girl to gay male friend: It really creeps me out when you call me “grandma” when we do drugs together.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: MuffinW

Gay dude: No, they're just too greasy for me.
Fag hag: Says the Mexican…
Gay dude: Excuse me? I'm black by insertion.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: i don't like water

Fag hag, about friend's boyfriend: Well, at least he has a nice guitar.
Fag: No one notices a guy's guitar on the first date…except maybe you.
Fag hag: Hey, at least someone fingered my g-string recently.

Jacksonville, Florida

Overheard by: Ari

Queer: Oh my god, did you see Andy in that hat?
Fag hag: Yeah!
Queer: Doesn’t he know that a cowboy hat that big is an unequivocal call for anal sex?

New Haven, Connecticut