Man buying condoms, to wife: I don’t need any lubricant with you, honey!

Kingston, Ontario

Wife: This is the last chance. I’m really going to file for divorce unless you’re willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won’t cheat on.

Omaha, Nebraska

Bogan girlfriend: You don't loves me! You don't loves me!
Bogan boyfriend: What do you mean I don't loves you? I fucks you and buys you a pie!


Hubby to wifey: No power on earth will make me wear a diaper.

Overheard by: Jessie

Wife: Would you still love me if I peed my pants?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: Would you still love me if I shit my pants?
Husband: We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Nashville, Tennessee

Middle-aged black woman to husband: Baby, you remember that time I shot you?

Indianapolis, Indiana

Man, pointing out the window, to his wife: Look, honey, they even have cars!

Overheard by: The Zipster

Hubby: Man, when I trim my ass hair my farts sound weird!

Old hillbilly: I love my old lady so much, I told her that when I die, I want her to cremate me, put me in a douche bag and give me one more go ’round…

Athens, Georgia

Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don’t need one. My wife says I’m an asshole.

Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street

Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick