50-something guy #1: My new girlfriend is twenty years younger than me.
50-something guy #2: You going to marry her?
50-something guy #1: No. I had that talk with her at the very beginning.
50-something guy #2: You got any nude photos of her on your phone?
Health Club Locker Room
Shawnee Mission, Kansas
Plus-size girl looking at maternity shirt: Oh, this is cute! (pause) It will hide my fat rolls!
JC Penney
Wichita, Kansas
Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don’t worry, girl, I am listening to yo’ hideous self!
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: kerblammerz
Kid #1, playing with blocks: This robot needs guns!
Kid #2: Pretend his hands are guns. [Pauses, then sings] Everybody dance now!
82nd and State
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: BookVixen
Biotech #1: God, is she being all depressed again?
Biotech #2: Yeah, you know how she is. She just needs a guy to pay attention to her.
Biotech #1: She just needs to stop being friends with girls who are hotter than she is.
Lawrence, Kansas
Eight-year-old boy to self while looking at China teapots: I just love the stuff in here. It’s so breakable — that’s what’s great about it. That, and it’s shiny.
500 Shawnee Street
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: Rachel
Teen girl #1: I don't get why they put “eat it” by the cheerleaders.
Teen girl #2: Me neither. You can't, like, eat cheers.
Teen girl #1: Yeah… But you can eat cheerleaders.
High School
Kansas
Trendy girl, extremely serious: But like I am totally scared of mannequins! (pause) Mannequins, and big giraffes. I'm really just scared of all jungle animals in general.
Manhattan, Kansas
Film GTA: Will Farrell is the Groucho Marx of our generation.
Student: (nods wearily)
Film GTA: I mean, Talladega Nights was absolute genius!
University of Kansas
Lawrence, Kansas
Guy: I am making this shitty 50% less sodium Progresso chicken noodle soup. Tastes like penis!
Girl: Always an appealing taste.
Guy: If I ever get a twitter, that's my first status.
Girl: I'm tempted to get one. (pause) A twitter, not a penis.
University of Kansas
