Kansas

Little boy running inside out of a rainstorm: I am a sword of wetness!

First United Methodist Church
Pittsburg, Kansas

Girl: Oh, don't worry, I like weird things too. I like to see fat squirrels.

Manhattan, Kansas

Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?

Wichita, Kansas

Older lady, to friend: If your husband dies they'll find you a new one, the Jewish people.

Kansas

Neighbor: Dude, condoms don't work on dogs.

Lawrence, Kansas

20-something girl freaking out after hanging up cell phone: I can't do this! I can't talk to him right now! Will you pretend to be me?
20-something friend: I can't! He'll know because of my lisp!

Chipotle
Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: Alexandra

Waitress talking in the kitchen: I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile. (now sings loudly) I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile!

International House of Pancakes
Kansas

50-something guy #1: My new girlfriend is twenty years younger than me.
50-something guy #2: You going to marry her?
50-something guy #1: No. I had that talk with her at the very beginning.
50-something guy #2: You got any nude photos of her on your phone?

Health Club Locker Room
Shawnee Mission, Kansas

Plus-size girl looking at maternity shirt: Oh, this is cute! (pause) It will hide my fat rolls!

JC Penney
Wichita, Kansas

Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don’t worry, girl, I am listening to yo’ hideous self!

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: kerblammerz