Drunk guy, spotting friend on street on New Year's Eve: Dude, hi! What day is it?
Friend, also drunk: Uh, Friday.
Drunk guy: Monday! You and me and a mountain of weed!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
Veterinary pathology professor: The client's Samoyed had puppies, and the last pup came out green. So what happened? Did the bitch get raped by a martian?
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Guy, sweetly to girlfriend: Hey, honey!
Guy friend: Did you know your voice changes when you talk to her?
Guy: Of course! She's the one who fucks me.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Four-year-old: I wanna go in there!
Mother: The small mammal house?
Four-year-old, screaming: Small mammals!
Mother: Do you even know what small mammals are?
Four-year-old now, quiet and embarrassed: No.
The National Zoo
Washington, DC
Guy #1: Do you like Guns 'n' Roses?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: In a strange sort of way, I know Slash. Well… Slash's mom used to be my TA, you know, my teacher's assistant, when I was a kid.
Guy #2: You gotta get me his autograph. I'll suck your dick if you get me his autograph.
Guy #1: Do you prefer guys?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Spokane, Washington
Crazy woman on cell: Do you want that pretty rug that I found at your aunt's house? I found out why it smells like piss.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Elderly lady to another: I wonder what God's doing right now. Probably drunk, celebrating his 400th birthday.
Washingtonville, New York
Overheard by: Trisha
Little girl: Can I have the nose now?
Guy: Yeah, sure, it probably has everyone's snot on it now, though.
Older girl: Ew! Oh my gosh, mental image!
Guy: What do you want me to say? I'm speaking their language.
Older girl: Say “nose… products.” It has “nose products.”
Guy, laughing hysterically: Nose products?
Older girl: Yes, nose products.
Little girl, holding out fake vampire teeth: Here, take my mouth products.
Kids' Playground
Manhattan, New York
Daughter: You don't remember his mom?
Mother: Not the one with the cool back hair.
Canton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kaylah
