Philosophy professor: … And Hegel scheduled all of his classes at the same time as Schoepenhauer’s classes, which really pissed off Schoepenhauer because Hegel was like the P. Diddy of 19th century German philosophy.
Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jen
Teacher to Chinese boy who twisted his pen: How in the bloody hell did you do that?
Students: [Laugh and all try twisting.]Chinese girl: I can’t do it.
Teacher: But you’re Asian.
Social Studies class, High school
Connecticut
Professor to puzzled student: You said one thing I didn’t understand, so I something you didn’t understand right back… God, I’m cruel.
Robinson Hall, University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Lab TA: This is bromium chloride. If you have guys in your group, have them work with it. If not, girls, I hope you’re not pregnant. It tends to cause birth defects and cancer.
Chick #1 in back of room, whispering: You guys, I can’t touch that stuff!
Chick #2: Why not? Are you pregnant?
Chick #1: You see, that’s the thing — I don’t know…
Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: She’s majoring in drunken sorority girl
Crazy, overweight French prof: Ma boîte est dans un endroit très triste.
Student: Your box is in a sad place?
Crazy, overweight french prof: Oui, but which box?
Student: (giggles)
Crazy, overweight French prof: Box is another word for office!
Simon Fraser University
Canadia
Overheard by: so that's what they're calling it these days
Prof: Life is a game of chance. There may not be a tomorrow. Or, it may not be the tomorrow you expect. You might go home tonight and die. Or you might go home tonight and have a baby!
Carelton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: if i gave birth tonight, my biggest concern would be how my pregnancy went undetected for nine months.
Student: Did you know that you can live off of student loans?
Professor: No, you can't.
Student: Yeah. All you do is just keep going back to school, and they'll pay for everything.
Professor: But eventually you'll have to pay them back.
Student: Not if you die.
Nicholls State University
Louisiana
Math professor #1: Don't derive like my brother.
Math professor #2: No, don't derive like my brother!
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Teacher: That would make such a great scene in a movie: A volcano smoking, then it erupts, and thousands of ninjas spout out of it and run forth and populate the earth!
Student: This is the best class ever!
Memphis, Tennessee
