Spanish prof: What’s the difference between a stone and a rock, English speakers?
Student #1: A stone is smooth and near water.
Student #2: A rock is big, like you can’t pick it up.
Spanish prof: Well, that would make sense. I mean, we stone people to death, we don’t rock them to death.
Cute girl student: It’s happened before.
De Anza Community College
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl has a little crush on her
Biology professor: There are a lot of great tits in england.
Knox College
Galesburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Oh, bio…
English professor: Just think of all the eggs that are wasted every time a woman doesn’t get pregnant… That’s what I do.
Montevallo, Alabama
Bimbette government teacher, explaining checks and balances: So then, like, the national government says to the state government, “Um, you can’t do that, you little… like, state.”
Canton, Michigan
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
Black student to white teacher: So we’re going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there’s Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don’t think so…
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
English teacher: A rhetorical question is a question you don’t expect an answer to. When a band yells, “Are you ready to rock?”, they’re not actually expecting someone to yell back, “Not quite, give us a couple more minutes.”
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Professor: So the wars of opium wars were fought because the Chinese didn’t want their citizens smoking their bongos and being loopy.
Student: Wait, bongos?
Professor: Yeah those pipe things… Bongos, right?
Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Erika
Male professor: I’m sorry, I just can’t sing “Some boys kiss me”. I know that’s desperately heteronormative, but I can’t help it!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
