20-something woman #1: I have mixed feelings about this bar and grill.
20-something man: I hate this bar and grill.
20-something woman #2: I'm gonna burn down this bar and grill!

Las Vegas, Nevada

Creepy lurky guy at bar (walking up and smelling girl sitting at table): Sorry y'all. Just smells really good.
Friend of girl (giving guy a dirty look): That was awkward.
Creepy lurky guy: Well, maybe you shouldn't be here then.
Friend of girl: Well, maybe you shouldn't be trying to smell us.

Blue Martini
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Ariola

Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!

Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada

Overheard by: Philly Joe

Distraught girl on Valentine's Day: I can't get over it, I don't care if it's a new hour. I still have the taste of dick in my mouth!

Las Vegas, Nevada

60-something guy, earnestly, to table full of seemingly level-headed adults: They're going to turn the moon into a weapon, the most powerful weapon ever…

Reno, Nevada

Overheard by: mini-me

Very loud drunk guy, standing at a urinal while he tries to open his zipper: How the fuck do they do this?

Las Vegas, Nevada

Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn’t it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.

Toby Keith’s Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: At least it doesn’t smell like tuna

Hungover conference attendee: Ugh, it's early.
Appalled conference attendee, scooting chair away: You smell like a dead hooker covered in alcoholic bum piss. And avocado.

Conference Center
Las Vegas, Nevada

Cabbie: Hey, ever get the urge to just whip out your puppies for the driver?
Girl: Um, no. (several minutes later, while getting out) Cabbie whores!

Las Vegas, Nevada

Guy, telling everyone about a massage: You know how grandma's hands are real soft?

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Craig