Teachers

[Girl leaves class in the middle of a lesson]Professor: She didn’t like what I was saying? I’m so upset, I’m going to go to the garden and eat fuzzy worms.

Marist College
Poughkepsie, New York

Overheard by: Nik

African professor: It is up to you to decide whether he was accurately and eloquently speaking BS.

Kalamazoo, Mississippi

Professor: Can anyone give me an example of an equal relationship?
Student: Husband and wife?
Professor: Oh, you’re so idealistic…

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York

British professor: I was walking around Oxford one day and I heard these two young lads, couldn’t have been more than eight, say “bitches and hoes.”
Student: Could you please say that phrase again?
British professor: … No.

University of San Diego
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Leah

Poetry professor: I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word “sniffing” I think of sex!

SUNY Purchase
New York

Overheard by: S. Van-Ho

Philosophy professor: Whatever you do guys, you can’t let Descartes come through the back door!
Students: [Laugh hysterically.]Philosophy professor: It’s not funny! Descartes always tries to come through the back door!

University of Portland
Oregon

Overheard by: B Student

Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I’m in a fucking whorehouse.

Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Professor: Cats aren’t capable of going into your home, judging what items are valuable, and dragging those items away.

Michigan State University
Michigan

Overheard by: sjshock

Professor: So what sorts of people travel abroad and exploit children that are forced into prostitution?
Student: Canadians.
[Class remains silent and professor stares.]Student: …I… Was just kidding.

Las Positas College
Livermore, California

Professor: I thought this was made up, but then I read it in a book, which of course means it?s true.

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina