Texas

Man to woman at post office: Oh, I must be hallucinating.
Post office lady: Congratulations, that's lovely.

Austin, Texas

Girl: And I was all “his mom is a slut” I mean, she sleeps with everyone.
Boy: Don't talk about my mom that way.
Girl: Why not? I mean, she's my mom, too.
Boy: No, she's not.
Girl: Well, you never know! You weren't there!

San Antonio, Texas

Man #1, after hurricane: I'm trying to decide if I should hook up my freezer to the generator or wait a while longer.
Man #2: Well, squeeze your meat, and see if it's hard.

Houston, Texas

Guy: What are you all doing?
Teen girl #1, waving taco: We're having a taco party.
Teen girl #2: Taco party!
Guy: Awesome! Keep on keeping on!

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: I want a Taco Party

Drunk girl: We were around the bonfire eating flamin' hot Cheetos, and then his brother ran around with the gas can, naked.

Trailer Park
Central Texas

Overheard by: HaleyJ

White Russian guy with slight accent: Something tells me my first born won't be white. That something is my penis.

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: The Sauce

Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!

Toy Store
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: huh?

Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.

Austin, Texas

Attractive girl: Lesbians aren't there for your entertainment.
Young guy: Well, gays aren't there to be your shopping assistants, yet somehow you seem to have pulled that off. I figure we can do the same thing, except instead of shopping, it's sex.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: veryinterestedin this plan

Foreign chick on cell: I'm at the gonorrhea. (pause) No, I'm at the gonorrhea. Yah… In yewstun. I'm at deelurds in the gonorrhea.

Dillards, The Galleria
Houston, Texas

Overheard by: OMG She had VD