Beauty

Girl, covering hair: I have kinky hair (pause), kinky, kinky hair (pause), and I spent so long yesterday making it straight.

Lancaster County, Pennsylvania

Guy #1: Dude, don't get me wrong–Laura* is great, but she's kind of…
Guy #2: Young?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also…
Guy #2: Goofy?
Guy #1: Yeah, but also…
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: She's kind of… She looks like Mick Jagger.
Guy #2: Oh, if you're trying to tell me she's unattractive, I know. But at least she won't cheat on me. (pauses, then laughs) Yeah, she does look like Mick Jagger! Good one!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: wow, that's harsh

Boyfriend, pressing girlfriend's nose with thumb: Hmmm. I don't think I'd date you if you looked like this.

New Jersey

College boy #1: Hey, man, thanks for getting me out of that skiing trip.
College boy #2: No problem. Pretty girls have made me do stupid things before. In fact, I bet pretty girls make me do stupid things in the future, too. Probably tonight, or tomorrow…

University of Ottawa
Canadia

Overheard by: not a college student yet

Woman, watching magnificent poodle: Oh my god, that's the most beautiful dog in the world!
Man, wounded: Hey! I'm the most beautiful dog in the world!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.

University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania

Gay guy: Then we can talk about boys more openly because I'll have long hair, and be pretty and have boobs!
Girl: They're not that fun…
Gay guy: Boobs aren't that fun?
Girl: No! 

Pleasant Grove, Utah

Overheard by: Weskimo

Jack Daniels and Cigarettes: the Early Years

Girl: Good morning, Rob*.
Guy, gasping: Your voice changed! It's deeper!
Girl: Oh. This is my morning voice. It's how I sound in the morning.
Guy: You're not cute anymore!

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Girl #1: Are you Jane Jones*?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: I'm you're math tutor, nice to meet you.
Girl #2: Oh, you're cute! I could totally date you, but I'm not a lesbian.
Girl #1: Thanks! I could date you too, but I'm straight, and I have a boyfriend.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: Tsunoba

Clerk: I love women. The only thing prettier than a woman is a deer.

Post Office
South Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy