Girlfriend: That's your last drink tonight.
Boyfriend: What? Why?
Girlfriend: Why? Because I don't want to fuck a limp dick and then deal with you shitting yourself again. That's why.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Deedle
Girlfriend: That's your last drink tonight.
Boyfriend: What? Why?
Girlfriend: Why? Because I don't want to fuck a limp dick and then deal with you shitting yourself again. That's why.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Deedle
Girl, carrying armloads of stuff: I don't have a free hand to lock the door with.
Boyfriend, in most sketch-ass tone imaginable: Use your mouth.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
Wife to husband: You're back already? That was the quickest poop you've ever done!
Whole Foods
Alexandria, Virginia
Boyfriend, quietly to girlfriend: You put the lime in the coconut, and dunk your balls in.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Wife: Are you sure your office isn't closed for Columbus Day?
Husband: No, we could opt to take it off rather than the Friday after Thanksgiving.
Wife: Oh, that would be dumb.
Husband: Yeah. Besides, I think Columbus was kind of an a-hole.
Nashville, Tennessee
Man, hitting himself in the head with cell phone: I'm not giving you your fuckin' phone back until you fuckin' go to your fuckin' psychiatrist and take your fuckin' pills!
Woman: Give me my phone.
Man: I'll smash your phone on my head!
Woman: Give me my phone!
Man: Go to your fuckin' psychiatrist! Get your fuckin' pills!
Toronto
Canadia
Girl: I had a dream you died, and I woke up crying.
Guy: I woke up screaming, but that's because I dreamed I was being chased by aliens.
Bellingham, Washington
Guy to girl making a sound of discontentment: What was that? It was kinda cute. Do it again!
Girl: You think my discontentment is cute?!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Girl: You fucked my vagina twice this weekend!
Guy, exasperated: You don't have to tell me! I was there!
Jersey City, New Jersey
