Excited blonde: Guess what I’m getting myself for a Valentine’s Day present? I’m getting tested for STDs!

Michigan State University
East Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: not surprised

Girl to guys talking about their Easter candy: You know, I just want to point out that you’re both 23 and still getting Easter candy from your parents.
Guy #1: Hey, it’s not like I asked for it!
Guy #2: And besides, it’s not from my mom. It’s from the bunny.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Danette

Coworker, about Dick Clark's New Year's Eve: For people our age it's just not New Year's until we see Dick.

Sanford, Florida

Man: I’m giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you’re concerned with your figure?

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Maggie

Professor: Adams and Jefferson weren’t the only presidents to die on the Fourth of July. Does anyone know the third?
Student #1: Was it Monroe?
Professor: Yes, Monroe also died on the Fourth of July. Quite interesting, isn’t it?
Student #2: Is that why we celebrate the Fourth of July?

Liberal Ed floor, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Ready to graduate

Flight attendant to woman putting luggage in the only overhead compartment left: Ma'am, if you put your luggage there, but go way up front, when the plane lands, you'll have to wait to deplane until everyone else has because you can't go back here if you're up front when people are trying to exit the plane.
Woman: But this is my only option!
Flight attendant: You could sit in the back.
Woman: No!

Allegiant Airline
Ft. Wayne, Indiana

Overheard by: ISPgypsy

Teary-eyed teen: But I don't wanna work…I wanna go to Istanbul!

Palmer, Alaska

Girl #1: Happy Easter! I love you!
Girl #2: Happy Easter! (pause) This is funny… We're both atheists.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Superior girl: You're just stumped by the Father-Christmas-isn't-a-cat argument.


Overheard by: Inigo Montoya

Punk: Why don’t they have a Father’s Day card that says, ‘Dad, you suck. Happy Father’s Day’?

Greensboro, North Carolina