Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?

Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: hootinanny

Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!


Teacher, handing out candy to class: They're really sweet.
Student #1: And they make the roof of your mouth bleed.
Student #2: That's the best part.

High School
Calgary, Alberta

Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!

Canada's Wonderland

Guy: I decided I would do a little social experiment. So I went to the gas station and bought a chocolate muffin and sat down outside the door. Then this guy passed me, so I shoved the muffin in my mouth and started singing “What if God Was One of Us,” with little pieces of the muffin falling out of my mouth. It was great.

Overheard by: julie

Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.

Hoboken, New Jersey

Teen gangsta wannabe yelling to small boy on playground: No, I wasn't, I don't smoke! He was just transferring the smoke to my mouth! (pause) Never mind! I'm not gay!

Cincinnati, Ohio

White girl: Bite his face!
Asian girl: Ew, no! It's all hairy!
White girl: Sometimes you need to do things that you don't like. Like biting a hairy face, for example. Or putting balls in your mouth to get back your Breakfast Club movie…
Asian girl: Oh, you poor thing.

New Jersey

Woman: There’s nothing in my mouth that I’m ashamed of!

87 Bus
Jersey City, New Jersey

Girl #1: And yeah… She had these stains on her teeth.
Girl #2: Ew! Why… We’re in America.

Boston, Massachusetts