Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don’t, I masturbate, B-8.

Overheard by: bingo player

Receptionist, explaining e-mail to coworker: Or she may have even did the grammar slightly off.

Arizona State University

Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts… from different chickens.

Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.

First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.

Portland, Maine

American construction worker: See, you escaped communism. All I ever did was join the disco demolition night at Comisky park.
Polish construction worker: I didn’t escape communism, I got kicked out. Big difference.

Chicago, Illinois

Communications major: What the hell is a palindrome?
English major: No, it isn't.

California State University
Fullerton, California

Overheard by: SixPackReich

Construction worker #1: So, Lou, how's that gay thing going for you?
Construction worker #2: Goin' pretty good, Al, goin pretty good.

West Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: keeeeem

Cashier #1: He's definitely overcompensating for something.
Cashier #2: I do not know what that word means.
Cashier #3: “Compensate?” You don't know what that means?
Cashier #2: “Compensate?” Penetrate–I know what *that* is.

Filene's Basement
Washington, DC

National Science Foundation lady #1: He said my behavior was willful professional misconduct.
National Science Foundation lady #2: And then what?
National Science Foundation lady #1: I told him to suck my fat black dick.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Creative. What’d he say to that?
National Science Foundation lady #1: He was real calm. He said, A) my comment was vulgar, rude, and highly unprofessional, and B) completely illogical.
National Science Foundation lady #2: Well, he’s got a point, yeah.
National Science Foundation lady #1: If he says another word to me, I’m gonna bust him with a stapler…

Food court, Ballston Mall

Office worker: Well, I almost went to Woodstock, but then an opportunity to make money came up.