Library worker #1: Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: … What?
Library worker #1: The envelope. Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: You could tape it, I guess…
Library worker #1: Great, because after last night, I am totally out of saliva.

Main Library, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio

Ebullient coworker on phone: The last thing I saw of Jane* was a nude picture of her taking a bath. It’s her dad’s fault.

Overheard by: sxoidmal

Dish hand: Did you fuck it all up again, chef?
Chef: Sure did.
Dish hand: You do this every fucking shift.
Chef: Yeah, but my wife’s hot.
Dish hand: That is not a valid defense!


NASA intern guy #1: I think your fish are gay… Like, 99 percent sure. Look, they’ve got vertical bars.
NASA intern guy #2: They so want each other.
NASA intern guy #1: They do. And it’s not unrequited. Look, they both have vertical bars!

NASA Ames Research Center
Silicon Valley, California

Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?

Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad

Person #1: But isn’t that lying?
Person #2: Don’t worry about it, it’s only for your security clearance.

Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don’t, I masturbate, B-8.

Overheard by: bingo player

Receptionist, explaining e-mail to coworker: Or she may have even did the grammar slightly off.

Arizona State University

Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts… from different chickens.

Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.

First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.

Portland, Maine