Coworker, indignantly: Stop locking up my chuzzles!

Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Should be working

Library worker girl: That's a cute bag.
Library worker girl with clear purse: Thanks!
Boss man: But then everyone can see everything you have!
Library worker girl with clear purse: It's not like I got a gun or anything… I can always hide things between the books…
Library worker girl: Like your gun?

Kent State University Library
Kent, Ohio

Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.

Winter Park, Florida

Overheard by: Cassie

Soccer coach: I love Fiji water.
Assistant: It's silky smooth.
Soccer coach: It's never been touched by human hands until it touches my lips.


Engineer #1: We’re playing my little ponies?!
Engineer #2: Oh, god.
Engineer #1: Dude, we’re gonna fucking kill them! [Laughs maniacally].

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

Guy: Yo, Jimmy*! You’re doing a great job!
Jimmy, backing a U-Haul out of a tiny alley: I’m totally drunk!

Overheard by: anonymous

Female airport screener to male coworker: I swear I’ve only ever touched one in a bag!

Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Evil Penguin

Male coworker: So, wassup?! You holding down the third trimester? You got that thang on lock?!
Preggers coworker: Hell yeah!

Oakland, California

Woman at counter: [Mumbling.]Clerk: No, we don’t carry weapons here.

Hallmark Store
St. Joseph, Michigan

Overheard by: but if you try the precious moments store…

Old man employee:… So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia…
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I’d rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!

Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: kat